[ with one hand in his, she's forced to look at him. she glances to the side, like the instincts of a frightened animal, but her gaze always returns to his own, as fiery as the color of his eyes.
upon hearing him say that siobhan's blood is not on her hands, she feels a scream lodge itself in her throat, which she swallows down like a stone. ayaka glances down to her healing hand, where she can still see smudged blood that she's not certain of whether or not it belongs to her. ]
Of course it's my fault. Saber, I-- I stabbed her! I could've thrown the knife, I could've run away with it, I could've... I could've... I don't know! I could've done something else! Anything else!
[ it all went so fast, that to ayaka it's all a blur. who got the knife to drop, who picked up, who was above who... it doesn't matter to her. all she remembers is that horrible feeling of metal sinking into flesh and the warm blood on her hands. ]
You should just let me bear this. If you involve yourself too much, they might... they might vote for you.
[ and if saber dies for her sake... she wouldn't be able to handle something like that. ]
She was trying to kill you. I'm not sure any sort of delay tactics would've held for long.
[ The barricades, the intentional slowdowns – it may have been just so anyone who happened to wake up took their time before encountering the two of them, but given that it was Ayaka and not anyone else, it feels a little targeted specifically to them.
He's said it once, he'll say it again. Any enemy of hers is an enemy of his, and he won't hesitate to stand in the way. ]
Sorry, that's just one thing I cannot do. I'll be behind you all the way. We're a team, right?
[ He runs the pad of this thumb over her palm, catching some of the smudge and wiping it away. ]
And I'm not going to be able to convince you otherwise, right?
[ with the back of her other hand, she brushes the tears that were building up in the corners of her eyes. with a pain in her heart, she remembers what she told siobhan during their first argument. she had called saber headstrong, impulsive, and unknowing of fear.
she forgot stubborn.
the warmth of her hand in his is welcome, and it's because of that kindness that she instinctively wants to reject it; pull herself away from any gentleness that she's so undeserving of. but with immense willpower, she keeps her hand in place, letting saber wipe the blood from it. the hand is mostly clean now, as if its sins were wiped away.
always, always, she has to be the one that watches and causes the misery and death of others. she can't let this happen to saber. anyone but him.
in a voice quiet enough for only the two of them to hear inside the powder room, she whispers: ]
[ The smile he gives her is warm, like they're not actively looking down the barrel of their demise. She'd shown such strength over these last three weeks, even though fate seemed to have a penchant for dragging her wherever it saw fit. But they'd been together through it all (even when she didn't want to be), and gone through so much, and he's watched her come into her own as a Master.
But it doesn't matter here. What matters is what comes next.
Richard pauses, before reaching up with his other hand to wipe away a stray tear running down Ayaka's cheek. His smile dims, and his tone gets more serious. ]
[ her eyes lock with his as he asks her if she's ready. the scream is still sitting in her stomach, festering terribly with wave after wave of anxiety threatening to swallow her whole like mud.
and yet, as she looks up to saber and his unwavering faith in her, she realizes that this is not the time for her to curl up and wish to disappear. she can do that after, once they've been caught and tried for their crimes. but for now, she has to be the support that saber needs, because he has never once failed to be the pillar that she has needed this whole time.
placing her hand in his, she gives him a nod. ]
I don't know if I can bring us to victory. [ because this is, at the end of the day, just another battle, right? the stakes are similar to the holy grail war. a battle without swords, perhaps, but the takes are the same. ] But we're a team, right? So if you're going to fight, then I'll be fighting with you until the end.
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no subject
upon hearing him say that siobhan's blood is not on her hands, she feels a scream lodge itself in her throat, which she swallows down like a stone. ayaka glances down to her healing hand, where she can still see smudged blood that she's not certain of whether or not it belongs to her. ]
Of course it's my fault. Saber, I-- I stabbed her! I could've thrown the knife, I could've run away with it, I could've... I could've... I don't know! I could've done something else! Anything else!
[ it all went so fast, that to ayaka it's all a blur. who got the knife to drop, who picked up, who was above who... it doesn't matter to her. all she remembers is that horrible feeling of metal sinking into flesh and the warm blood on her hands. ]
You should just let me bear this. If you involve yourself too much, they might... they might vote for you.
[ and if saber dies for her sake... she wouldn't be able to handle something like that. ]
no subject
[ The barricades, the intentional slowdowns – it may have been just so anyone who happened to wake up took their time before encountering the two of them, but given that it was Ayaka and not anyone else, it feels a little targeted specifically to them.
He's said it once, he'll say it again. Any enemy of hers is an enemy of his, and he won't hesitate to stand in the way. ]
Sorry, that's just one thing I cannot do. I'll be behind you all the way. We're a team, right?
[ He runs the pad of this thumb over her palm, catching some of the smudge and wiping it away. ]
no subject
[ with the back of her other hand, she brushes the tears that were building up in the corners of her eyes. with a pain in her heart, she remembers what she told siobhan during their first argument. she had called saber headstrong, impulsive, and unknowing of fear.
she forgot stubborn.
the warmth of her hand in his is welcome, and it's because of that kindness that she instinctively wants to reject it; pull herself away from any gentleness that she's so undeserving of. but with immense willpower, she keeps her hand in place, letting saber wipe the blood from it. the hand is mostly clean now, as if its sins were wiped away.
always, always, she has to be the one that watches and causes the misery and death of others. she can't let this happen to saber. anyone but him.
in a voice quiet enough for only the two of them to hear inside the powder room, she whispers: ]
What should we do now?
no subject
[ The smile he gives her is warm, like they're not actively looking down the barrel of their demise. She'd shown such strength over these last three weeks, even though fate seemed to have a penchant for dragging her wherever it saw fit. But they'd been together through it all (even when she didn't want to be), and gone through so much, and he's watched her come into her own as a Master.
But it doesn't matter here. What matters is what comes next.
Richard pauses, before reaching up with his other hand to wipe away a stray tear running down Ayaka's cheek. His smile dims, and his tone gets more serious. ]
Do you think you can do this?
no subject
and yet, as she looks up to saber and his unwavering faith in her, she realizes that this is not the time for her to curl up and wish to disappear. she can do that after, once they've been caught and tried for their crimes. but for now, she has to be the support that saber needs, because he has never once failed to be the pillar that she has needed this whole time.
placing her hand in his, she gives him a nod. ]
I don't know if I can bring us to victory. [ because this is, at the end of the day, just another battle, right? the stakes are similar to the holy grail war. a battle without swords, perhaps, but the takes are the same. ] But we're a team, right? So if you're going to fight, then I'll be fighting with you until the end.