I... don't know. I've been struggling to figure that out.
[ the humanoid creature torn apart by humans. the little red riding hood of the semina apartments. the mysterious 'person A' who was haunted by the same girl. all of them molded into the same person, a false reflection of ayaka sajyou. ]
While we were in Snowfield, did you ever feel anything off about me? Like you were being influenced or...or something?
[ there's a flash of emotion across ayaka's face. surprise, followed by relief, and ultimately confusion. ]
I guess the thing is that... when I'm around people they... I don't know how to describe it. [ she shakes her head. ] I guess the best way to put it is that they go crazy. I'm...not that different from Ish...or from what I've heard about the Holy Grail. I grant wishes but, they never bring anyone happiness. It just drives them insane until eventually they destroy themselves.
[ what would she call it? greed? ayaka can't help but see herself as a sort of bad omen, a creature that amplifies people's greed until they self-destruct. so what does it mean, if saber's never felt himself affected by it? or is her innate trait just that imperceptible? ]
So I thought that, if I were around... I would end up ruining your wish. I'm scared of that, you know. I know you said that you're not a good person but for that reason, I don't want to dirty something so beautiful!
[ Richard's eyes flicker somewhat at the mention of Ish, but otherwise he's fairly steady as Ayaka explains it to him. Could she be affecting him without her knowing? It's possible, but he would've thought that someone in his retinue would have said something by now, and after all their time together...
The worry in his expression fades, that easy smile back on his lips again. ] I assure you, Ayaka, if you've affected me at all up until this point, I haven't been able to tell. Besides, I'm the same as I've ever been during our time here, right?
[ He pokes himself in the cheek a few times, like he's testing the elasticity of his skin. ]
If I had lost myself by now, I'm sure you probably would've been able to tell and put my head back on straight.
[ For all the greed and rage he has simmering under his skin at all times, wouldn't she have had made things worse by now if it was affecting him? Perhaps whatever loyalties to the knight class that's been encoded in him as being summoned as a Saber is enough to resist it? He's got no clue. ]
So I don't see any reason why that you could ever ruin it. I told you – without you, I wouldn't have even come to that realization of what I wanted it to be after so long. You could never dirty it.
I see. I was worried about nothing this whole time, then?
[ nothing to saber, at least. to ayaka, it was almost everything. it felt like she had been deceiving saber, leading him on and towards disaster without neither of them being aware about it. and yet here he is, proudly saying that ayaka could never ruin his wish with that same easy-going smile as ever.
that's right... he hadn't changed one bit from their time in snowfield, had he? he was still the same person that had so stupidly saved her in the opera house and got her arrested.
feeling the sting of tears in her eyes again, she takes off her glasses and sets them aside so that she can properly rub her eyes. this time, however, they're tears of relief. ]
I'm glad, then. I-- I didn't... I didn't want to let you go. I thought I had to but I didn't want to. So I'm glad.
[ glad that she can stay with saber to watch him fulfill his wish. glad that she's not affecting him. and, perhaps, glad that she can be just a little selfish sometimes.
taking a leap of faith, ayaka leans forward to wrap her arms behind richard's neck and pull him into a hug. ]
[ He tenses up as Ayaka wraps her arms around him, stiffly letting himself be pulled in but otherwise as his brain does a full-on reset. ]
A-Ayaka –
[ It takes a good few beats for him to regain his faculties, blinking a few times. He does eventually return the gesture, though, pulling her closer as he wraps his arms around her.
He chuckles shakily at that, trying to will his ears to stop being red. ] You always worry about the silliest things.
[ Even if she was somehow corrupting him, truth be told, he's not completely sure he'd mind that much. It's not like he's ever really stopped himself from being so selfish, after all. If he was dragged down with her as a result, then so be it. ]
[ as saber pulls her close, she realizes just exactly what she had done. thank whatever deity is above that in this position saber can't see the red on her face and that her hair covers her ears.
but she doesn't pull away. instead, she buries her face in saber's shoulder, groaning in embarrassment. ]
Ugh, I'm sorry. I...didn't mean to make you uncomfortable.
[ after all of this, the last thing she needs to be doing is causing more trouble for saber. ]
[ she tenses for a second when she feels richard move, but she lets out some of the tension with a sigh when she recognizes that it's not a rejection, but him returning the gesture.
having always preferred solitude, she realizes that she's unused to any type of affection. therefore, she's not sure about what to do next. should she pull away? not when he's leaning on her as well, right?
she lets out another shaky breath. uncertain, but never quite willing to give up. ]
Yeah. This is fine... it's nice.
[ she doesn't deserve nice. she'll take it anyways. ]
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no subject
[ the humanoid creature torn apart by humans. the little red riding hood of the semina apartments. the mysterious 'person A' who was haunted by the same girl. all of them molded into the same person, a false reflection of ayaka sajyou. ]
While we were in Snowfield, did you ever feel anything off about me? Like you were being influenced or...or something?
no subject
Not at all. The most that I noticed was the vast amount of magical energy you were able to give me, but... not much otherwise.
[ And even then, he had been reticent to take more than he needed to try and take as less energy has he could from her as possible, so... ]
no subject
[ there's a flash of emotion across ayaka's face. surprise, followed by relief, and ultimately confusion. ]
I guess the thing is that... when I'm around people they... I don't know how to describe it. [ she shakes her head. ] I guess the best way to put it is that they go crazy. I'm...not that different from Ish...or from what I've heard about the Holy Grail. I grant wishes but, they never bring anyone happiness. It just drives them insane until eventually they destroy themselves.
[ what would she call it? greed? ayaka can't help but see herself as a sort of bad omen, a creature that amplifies people's greed until they self-destruct. so what does it mean, if saber's never felt himself affected by it? or is her innate trait just that imperceptible? ]
So I thought that, if I were around... I would end up ruining your wish. I'm scared of that, you know. I know you said that you're not a good person but for that reason, I don't want to dirty something so beautiful!
no subject
The worry in his expression fades, that easy smile back on his lips again. ] I assure you, Ayaka, if you've affected me at all up until this point, I haven't been able to tell. Besides, I'm the same as I've ever been during our time here, right?
[ He pokes himself in the cheek a few times, like he's testing the elasticity of his skin. ]
If I had lost myself by now, I'm sure you probably would've been able to tell and put my head back on straight.
[ For all the greed and rage he has simmering under his skin at all times, wouldn't she have had made things worse by now if it was affecting him? Perhaps whatever loyalties to the knight class that's been encoded in him as being summoned as a Saber is enough to resist it? He's got no clue. ]
So I don't see any reason why that you could ever ruin it. I told you – without you, I wouldn't have even come to that realization of what I wanted it to be after so long. You could never dirty it.
no subject
[ nothing to saber, at least. to ayaka, it was almost everything. it felt like she had been deceiving saber, leading him on and towards disaster without neither of them being aware about it. and yet here he is, proudly saying that ayaka could never ruin his wish with that same easy-going smile as ever.
that's right... he hadn't changed one bit from their time in snowfield, had he? he was still the same person that had so stupidly saved her in the opera house and got her arrested.
feeling the sting of tears in her eyes again, she takes off her glasses and sets them aside so that she can properly rub her eyes. this time, however, they're tears of relief. ]
I'm glad, then. I-- I didn't... I didn't want to let you go. I thought I had to but I didn't want to. So I'm glad.
[ glad that she can stay with saber to watch him fulfill his wish. glad that she's not affecting him. and, perhaps, glad that she can be just a little selfish sometimes.
taking a leap of faith, ayaka leans forward to wrap her arms behind richard's neck and pull him into a hug. ]
no subject
A-Ayaka –
[ It takes a good few beats for him to regain his faculties, blinking a few times. He does eventually return the gesture, though, pulling her closer as he wraps his arms around her.
He chuckles shakily at that, trying to will his ears to stop being red. ] You always worry about the silliest things.
[ Even if she was somehow corrupting him, truth be told, he's not completely sure he'd mind that much. It's not like he's ever really stopped himself from being so selfish, after all. If he was dragged down with her as a result, then so be it. ]
no subject
[ as saber pulls her close, she realizes just exactly what she had done. thank whatever deity is above that in this position saber can't see the red on her face and that her hair covers her ears.
but she doesn't pull away. instead, she buries her face in saber's shoulder, groaning in embarrassment. ]
Ugh, I'm sorry. I...didn't mean to make you uncomfortable.
[ after all of this, the last thing she needs to be doing is causing more trouble for saber. ]
no subject
[ He sighs, willing himself to relax somewhat as he leans his head against hers. ]
Is this okay?
no subject
having always preferred solitude, she realizes that she's unused to any type of affection. therefore, she's not sure about what to do next. should she pull away? not when he's leaning on her as well, right?
she lets out another shaky breath. uncertain, but never quite willing to give up. ]
Yeah. This is fine... it's nice.
[ she doesn't deserve nice. she'll take it anyways. ]