[ when saber mentions blade's frog turning, ayaka...laughs. it's not loud or obnoxious, but a small, sudden pearl of laughter that disappears like a trick of the light. what remains from that is a rare smile and a feeling of lightness that feels strange to her.
she shouldn't laugh about it, and she knows it. and yet, she can't help but find it funny how absurd that moment was. ]
I don't know if I could call that quick thinking. It felt more like I was flailing around.
[ but saber calls her strong and she... doesn't know what to say to that. has she really grown that much these past few weeks? ]
Honestly... if it had been just me, I probably would have confessed to it immediately. But you were there so... I guess I wanted to protect you. I know you'll go back to the Throne or wherever once we go back and the war ends, so you're probably ready to die, but it's different to me here.
[ she can't help it. after so much time together, ayaka has realized that she has gotten attached. and while the eventual parting will come one day or another, she will do everything that's in her control to make sure it doesn't come a day sooner. ]
[ Ayaka's laugh immediately works through him, seemingly healing the slight knit in his brow like a cure-all. Maybe anywhere else it would be appropriate to make light of what happened, but there is something about the absurdity of it all that makes hard to not laugh at. Especially when she's smiling at him the way that she is – he'd say it was a cute look on her, but maybe that's not the most appropriate at the moment. ]
I'm glad that you did not. [ confess immediately, he means. ] I know the group would have been sympathetic, but opening yourself up for any kind of targeting is the last thing I want to happen.
[ Which, admittedly, he's a little worried about what the next few hours will bring. If she wakes up again, can he even be sure that he'll rouse again, much less wake up in time to intervene? He almost failed her before – he wasn't even able to stop Shiv before it was too late, what's to say he gets lucky again?
...
He shakes his head, sighing with a reassuring smile. ] I guess being together helps ensure that we do not inadvertently destroy ourselves along the way, does it not?
[ Even if he doesn't really touch on it, she's not wrong about his feelings about being ready to die if it came down to it. But, she's right about another point: things are very different here. Even for him. ]
I... guess we're both... kind of self-destructive, aren't we?
[ with richard pointing it out, the fact is fairly clear for ayaka. and while she's always known her worst habits, having them pointed out so nonchalantly by her servant adds a new layer of embarrassment to it. she threw herself into the knife out of a desperate and unnecessary desire to protect richard the same way that he let himself be turned into a pincushion by the golden servant in a feeble attempt to protect the church she was hiding in.
and what would he have done, had someone started to doubt her during that trial? would he have threatened to turn that trial into a bloodbath and destroyed every good relationship he had just to protect her?
she doesn't ask; she thinks she knows the answer. instead she leans, resting her head on richard's arm, staring ahead. ]
But I... I have to admit that I'm glad you're here. And...selfishly...I'm glad that the majority didn't vote for you. [ may those words never reach siffrin. she knows that he doesn't deserve to have died in either of their stead, nor did andrew deserve to have her life taken in response to that, but... ] I don't know what I would have done if that had happened.
[ would that have been the straw that broke the camel's back? would she have tried to sway the others' opinions on her and get them to vote for her instead or would she have shut down and watched it all happen in horror. the uncertainty of it scares her, and she can't help but be glad it never happened. ]
So thanks... for staying with me this whole time. Even if I was probably a lot of trouble sometimes.
[ richard might as well be an angel considering how much he had to take care of her. ]
[ Richard hums in agreement to her question, looking down at her as she rests her head against his arm. ]
You could never be any trouble. My obligations may have shifted somewhat from my chivalric duty to protect the innocent to that of being your Servant, but never once have you been a burden or anything of the sort.
[ He knows he's repeating himself, but it's true. Even if her innate nature somehow had some kind of an effect on everything that's transpired, he'd be the first one to say as much. Even if it was found out during that trial that he – or at least one of them – was involved with Siobhan's death, he'd have done everything in his power to try and argue to the contrary, most likely proving everyone right about the attack dog comments right.
He lets out a quiet exhale, his hand finding hers as they sit. ]
I'll stay with you for as long as is in my power. Now that we're so close to the end of all this, I refuse to fall short of seeing you return to Snowfield.
[ So long as nothing happens to her overnight. After that, he can force the issue on his own. ]
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she shouldn't laugh about it, and she knows it. and yet, she can't help but find it funny how absurd that moment was. ]
I don't know if I could call that quick thinking. It felt more like I was flailing around.
[ but saber calls her strong and she... doesn't know what to say to that. has she really grown that much these past few weeks? ]
Honestly... if it had been just me, I probably would have confessed to it immediately. But you were there so... I guess I wanted to protect you. I know you'll go back to the Throne or wherever once we go back and the war ends, so you're probably ready to die, but it's different to me here.
[ she can't help it. after so much time together, ayaka has realized that she has gotten attached. and while the eventual parting will come one day or another, she will do everything that's in her control to make sure it doesn't come a day sooner. ]
no subject
I'm glad that you did not. [ confess immediately, he means. ] I know the group would have been sympathetic, but opening yourself up for any kind of targeting is the last thing I want to happen.
[ Which, admittedly, he's a little worried about what the next few hours will bring. If she wakes up again, can he even be sure that he'll rouse again, much less wake up in time to intervene? He almost failed her before – he wasn't even able to stop Shiv before it was too late, what's to say he gets lucky again?
...
He shakes his head, sighing with a reassuring smile. ] I guess being together helps ensure that we do not inadvertently destroy ourselves along the way, does it not?
[ Even if he doesn't really touch on it, she's not wrong about his feelings about being ready to die if it came down to it. But, she's right about another point: things are very different here. Even for him. ]
no subject
[ with richard pointing it out, the fact is fairly clear for ayaka. and while she's always known her worst habits, having them pointed out so nonchalantly by her servant adds a new layer of embarrassment to it. she threw herself into the knife out of a desperate and unnecessary desire to protect richard the same way that he let himself be turned into a pincushion by the golden servant in a feeble attempt to protect the church she was hiding in.
and what would he have done, had someone started to doubt her during that trial? would he have threatened to turn that trial into a bloodbath and destroyed every good relationship he had just to protect her?
she doesn't ask; she thinks she knows the answer. instead she leans, resting her head on richard's arm, staring ahead. ]
But I... I have to admit that I'm glad you're here. And...selfishly...I'm glad that the majority didn't vote for you. [ may those words never reach siffrin. she knows that he doesn't deserve to have died in either of their stead, nor did andrew deserve to have her life taken in response to that, but... ] I don't know what I would have done if that had happened.
[ would that have been the straw that broke the camel's back? would she have tried to sway the others' opinions on her and get them to vote for her instead or would she have shut down and watched it all happen in horror. the uncertainty of it scares her, and she can't help but be glad it never happened. ]
So thanks... for staying with me this whole time. Even if I was probably a lot of trouble sometimes.
[ richard might as well be an angel considering how much he had to take care of her. ]
no subject
You could never be any trouble. My obligations may have shifted somewhat from my chivalric duty to protect the innocent to that of being your Servant, but never once have you been a burden or anything of the sort.
[ He knows he's repeating himself, but it's true. Even if her innate nature somehow had some kind of an effect on everything that's transpired, he'd be the first one to say as much. Even if it was found out during that trial that he – or at least one of them – was involved with Siobhan's death, he'd have done everything in his power to try and argue to the contrary, most likely proving everyone right about the attack dog comments right.
He lets out a quiet exhale, his hand finding hers as they sit. ]
I'll stay with you for as long as is in my power. Now that we're so close to the end of all this, I refuse to fall short of seeing you return to Snowfield.
[ So long as nothing happens to her overnight. After that, he can force the issue on his own. ]