[ After all of that... she's back in the clock room, having somehow gotten her furry little ass back onto the second floor.
Time and memory... and neither of them have ever been very kind to her. Now she's relying on them to...what? To save a group of people she cannot care about?
If Saber is back to begin dummy thicc and wearing armor instead of appropriating lesbian fashion, she'll probably hear him coming. If not, she'll wait until she can see him - just a little capybara standing in the middle of the room.]
[ By the sound of him approaching, it's pretty clear that he's given up his appropriating ways and went back to the armor. After Ayaka got hurt because of him, all such notions of not roasting in this metal oven at all times went out the window. ]
She is. The spray took care of most of the wound. [ ... ] Thank you. For your offer.
[Siffrin isn't very big, but he embedded the entire blade of his object body in Ayaka's shoulder. He would have pieced deep enough, even if it was a tiny wound. There's a nasty part of her that's glad that it might leave the mark behind, a nastier part that's glad the rapid healing from the spray might add to the mark remaining behind.]
If it wasn't used, the spray would go to waste. [She's still looking at him , and never has a long silence from an inanimate object felt so leaden with things that haven't been said.]
[ The healing spray had done wonders on Ayaka's hands from where she had tripped down the stairs to the garden. It did minimal work on her ankle, though, so... ]
She's not gone back to your suite after you passed, you know. Aside from when the loop forced her back.
[ He's not sure if that's really something for him to say, but... ]
[The plushie stares silently at him. Whether it's his to say or not, it doesn't really matter - she doesn't even know what the point of telling her is.]
Of course not. You're her protection, and she wants to be yours as well.
[Knowing what she knows now, Andrew also knows that she was the last openly blameable person responsible for Siffrin's conviction. Now that she's gone, it's more fraught, isn't it?]
Looking out for each other is how you have survived while others have not.
I won't deny that that has been the case. [ personal partner murdergame hell, indeed. ] But if had just come down to that, I would've asked her to move much sooner.
[ And probably try and kick people out, but that's neither here nor there. ]
What I mean to say is that she was greatly affected by your death. Given the amount of vitriol she gave to Cornelius when things came to light, it's clear that she greatly cares for you.
[ Unless he's misread the situation, which is possible. He's a lesbian, thinking's hard. ]
Was she that bothered? It's not as if she didn't know something was bound to happen to me.
[Andrew had not been shy. At least a half-dozen people know she thought it might happen - that, given its apparent inevitability, she had hoped the threat could at least be leveraged.
She'd ended up culled like a sick animal anyway, as much as she wanted to think that going out to face her killer gave the dignity of not being shot down in her villa bedroom like a dog in a cage.]
... Does she care for me? [The capybara hesitates. This isn't quite as sharp-edged as the previous question. She actually doesn't genuinely know if care is what either of them have for one another. She thinks Ayaka likely never trusted her.]
Are those thing mutually exclusive? Even when taking the context into consideration?
[ Ayaka had said something about how Andrew had seemed to be thinking, not long before the trial started. They had talked about whether they should say something, but, as things tend to do, it got away.
It didn't change what had happened. Andrew had still died because they didn't say anything. ]
I cannot truly speak for her, as it is not my place. [ which begs the question of why he said it to begin with, but shhhhh. ] But I would say so. Without question.
Then why'd you bring it up? [Maybe he can envision her surly, somewhat immature expression -- too childish for the grown woman she is but fitting of the child who never received love that she also is.
But she's just a capybara, so her expression remains impassive.
Maybe it's that she knows now that no one would step in to protect her, might have even reveled at her death, her life as easy to discard as paper - a sentiment the narration must be clear is fully her thoughts and hers alone, driving by her lonely, wounded heart.]
I've never had friends. I wasn't allowed around others all that often, and when I was I didn't want to be there.
Because I have an unfortunate habit of sticking my nose where it doesn't belong, it seems. A curse from my deeds in life, it seems.
[ The image of a man in full armor talking to a stuffed capybara in a room full of clocks is an image unlike no other, but Richard doesn't really seem to notice the humor of it, as he takes a step closer to the pushie and kneels down closer to her as she talks.
It rings familiar, even if different circumstances. He'd never really had them, either. Not really. He was only ever looked at with envy at his talents or fear of what he would do unprovoked. ]
[She's pretty aware of the hilarity of the image and also with the weird boundaries of her capyabra-possessing existence.]
Ish's gambit the first week was more effective than I'd like to admit. [She sounds a little rueful but also pensive.] Of course, I didn't take stock of what he was really doing at the time.
I wonder... should I have allowed myself to care for even one of you?
[Maybe she does... want to be here, that is. And maybe she hates that.]
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bellelurette pc: andrew
week 4, tuesday
Time and memory... and neither of them have ever been very kind to her. Now she's relying on them to...what? To save a group of people she cannot care about?
If Saber is back to begin dummy thicc and wearing armor instead of appropriating lesbian fashion, she'll probably hear him coming. If not, she'll wait until she can see him - just a little capybara standing in the middle of the room.]
Is Ayaka asleep?
no subject
She is. The spray took care of most of the wound. [ ... ] Thank you. For your offer.
[ He knows neither of them deserve it, but...
no subject
[Siffrin isn't very big, but he embedded the entire blade of his object body in Ayaka's shoulder. He would have pieced deep enough, even if it was a tiny wound. There's a nasty part of her that's glad that it might leave the mark behind, a nastier part that's glad the rapid healing from the spray might add to the mark remaining behind.]
If it wasn't used, the spray would go to waste. [She's still looking at him , and never has a long silence from an inanimate object felt so leaden with things that haven't been said.]
no subject
[ The healing spray had done wonders on Ayaka's hands from where she had tripped down the stairs to the garden. It did minimal work on her ankle, though, so... ]
She's not gone back to your suite after you passed, you know. Aside from when the loop forced her back.
[ He's not sure if that's really something for him to say, but... ]
no subject
Of course not. You're her protection, and she wants to be yours as well.
[Knowing what she knows now, Andrew also knows that she was the last openly blameable person responsible for Siffrin's conviction. Now that she's gone, it's more fraught, isn't it?]
Looking out for each other is how you have survived while others have not.
no subject
[ And probably try and kick people out, but that's neither here nor there. ]
What I mean to say is that she was greatly affected by your death. Given the amount of vitriol she gave to Cornelius when things came to light, it's clear that she greatly cares for you.
[ Unless he's misread the situation, which is possible. He's a lesbian, thinking's hard. ]
no subject
[Andrew had not been shy. At least a half-dozen people know she thought it might happen - that, given its apparent inevitability, she had hoped the threat could at least be leveraged.
She'd ended up culled like a sick animal anyway, as much as she wanted to think that going out to face her killer gave the dignity of not being shot down in her villa bedroom like a dog in a cage.]
... Does she care for me? [The capybara hesitates. This isn't quite as sharp-edged as the previous question. She actually doesn't genuinely know if care is what either of them have for one another. She thinks Ayaka likely never trusted her.]
no subject
[ Ayaka had said something about how Andrew had seemed to be thinking, not long before the trial started. They had talked about whether they should say something, but, as things tend to do, it got away.
It didn't change what had happened. Andrew had still died because they didn't say anything. ]
I cannot truly speak for her, as it is not my place. [ which begs the question of why he said it to begin with, but shhhhh. ] But I would say so. Without question.
no subject
But she's just a capybara, so her expression remains impassive.
Maybe it's that she knows now that no one would step in to protect her, might have even reveled at her death, her life as easy to discard as paper - a sentiment the narration must be clear is fully her thoughts and hers alone, driving by her lonely, wounded heart.]
I've never had friends. I wasn't allowed around others all that often, and when I was I didn't want to be there.
no subject
[ The image of a man in full armor talking to a stuffed capybara in a room full of clocks is an image unlike no other, but Richard doesn't really seem to notice the humor of it, as he takes a step closer to the pushie and kneels down closer to her as she talks.
It rings familiar, even if different circumstances. He'd never really had them, either. Not really. He was only ever looked at with envy at his talents or fear of what he would do unprovoked. ]
Do you want to be here?
no subject
[She's pretty aware of the hilarity of the image and also with the weird boundaries of her capyabra-possessing existence.]
Ish's gambit the first week was more effective than I'd like to admit. [She sounds a little rueful but also pensive.] Of course, I didn't take stock of what he was really doing at the time.
I wonder... should I have allowed myself to care for even one of you?
[Maybe she does... want to be here, that is. And maybe she hates that.]