[ ... Well. They cast their gaze aside, tugging at their sleeves again. ]
... When I had the chance, when Cain was sleeping after everything... I ran away. I didn't want to see any of them. So even if one of the others might've had it, I wouldn't have taken it.
[ Couldn't have, really. Cowardice about seeing their expressions in full. ]
... I was scared to see their faces. How they might look at me. Cain and G'raha... are important to me, they're my friends, and blades are meant to protect others. Protect the people you care about.
[ So stabbing Cain was the opposite of that, even if he understood in the end. At the time... It was frightening. ]
I've never hurt a friend before. Even if I was angry, or hurt, my first thought wouldn't be to lash out at them, but at myself.
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bellelurette pc: siffrin
no subject
[ ... Well. They cast their gaze aside, tugging at their sleeves again. ]
... When I had the chance, when Cain was sleeping after everything... I ran away. I didn't want to see any of them. So even if one of the others might've had it, I wouldn't have taken it.
[ Couldn't have, really. Cowardice about seeing their expressions in full. ]
no subject
May I ask why?
cw self harm implication
What's it matter now anyway. ]
... I was scared to see their faces. How they might look at me. Cain and G'raha... are important to me, they're my friends, and blades are meant to protect others. Protect the people you care about.
[ So stabbing Cain was the opposite of that, even if he understood in the end. At the time... It was frightening. ]
I've never hurt a friend before. Even if I was angry, or hurt, my first thought wouldn't be to lash out at them, but at myself.
no subject
It's better for you to receive the consequences of those sins then let others shoulder that burden, right?
[ Not saying it like a fact, just. An observation. ]
no subject
... I've kinda gotten used to it. You know, looping and all.
no subject
no subject
[ Not... a tremendous amount, but. All the same -- sixty to seventy, over and over again. ]
I stopped paying attention, or I lost count... They blur together sometimes too. But I think it's that.
no subject
I can't imagine what kind of a strain that puts on one's self.
no subject
[ (Do you?
Or do you just not... care, anymore.
...
You're used to it.) ]
It's been kind of a relief here. A week instead of two days. And everyone remembers, too.
[ (That
more than anything
makes you happy.) ]