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[ At the mention of the library, sweats a little. ]
That... was not my intention. The door was blocked by her barricades, and I was trying to circumvent them and... while the lightning proved to be helpful, it seemed to have gotten a little out of hand. [ the power of the tunnel vision is real. ] I won't make any excuses for it, though – that was my fault.
[ Not to mention that wasting time trying to put it out would've meant that he would show up too late. As much as killing everyone from smoke inhalation was ideal...
He stills, looking down and away as she keeps going, feeling himself get more sheepish. ]
You don't... have to.
[ Yes, she just said she wouldn't take a no, but he can't help himself. It doesn't seem to have as much behind it as it normally would, if it helps. ]
That... was not my intention. The door was blocked by her barricades, and I was trying to circumvent them and... while the lightning proved to be helpful, it seemed to have gotten a little out of hand. [ the power of the tunnel vision is real. ] I won't make any excuses for it, though – that was my fault.
[ Not to mention that wasting time trying to put it out would've meant that he would show up too late. As much as killing everyone from smoke inhalation was ideal...
He stills, looking down and away as she keeps going, feeling himself get more sheepish. ]
You don't... have to.
[ Yes, she just said she wouldn't take a no, but he can't help himself. It doesn't seem to have as much behind it as it normally would, if it helps. ]
[ what an odd sight, to see her boisterous and larger-than-life servant become so sheepish while she realizes how unnaturally bold she's being. well, it's not like either of them are good at being honest with their feelings, so maybe it's natural that this would happen when one confronted the other.
she just didn't think it would be herself that would be doing it. ]
Even if you say that I don't have to— [ and she feels like she does. this is as much her doing as his, even if he was the one to deal the finishing blow ] —I still want to.
[ because they're a team. because throughout these weeks she has realized just how important saber is to her, and that means he doesn't want to leave him on his own. ]
I've already... um... seen some of it anyways. Your memories, I mean. Back when we were in Snowfield.
[ might as well confess to that, since they've already gone ahead and gotten away with murder. ]
she just didn't think it would be herself that would be doing it. ]
Even if you say that I don't have to— [ and she feels like she does. this is as much her doing as his, even if he was the one to deal the finishing blow ] —I still want to.
[ because they're a team. because throughout these weeks she has realized just how important saber is to her, and that means he doesn't want to leave him on his own. ]
I've already... um... seen some of it anyways. Your memories, I mean. Back when we were in Snowfield.
[ might as well confess to that, since they've already gone ahead and gotten away with murder. ]
[ A small noise escapes the back of his throat in reply. Isn't it funny, how all this time he was selfishly letting himself carry her responsibilites, regardless of whether she wanted it or not, and now the roles were swapped? Perhaps it's just the natural byproduct of her becoming more assured in her role as a Master, he thinks. Or his selfishness is just rubbing off on her. Heaven knows that he's got plenty of it to spare.
Still, her resolve is something that he is more than happy to support until the bitter end, even if he knows that there's no saving him in the long run. But for Ayaka, on the other hand... ]
I won't stand in your way, Ayaka. Take whatever you can.
[ ... he might argue about her laying claim to nearly killing everyone in the library, though. ]
Still, her resolve is something that he is more than happy to support until the bitter end, even if he knows that there's no saving him in the long run. But for Ayaka, on the other hand... ]
I won't stand in your way, Ayaka. Take whatever you can.
[ ... he might argue about her laying claim to nearly killing everyone in the library, though. ]
[ no, the library is his mess to keep. though had anyone been gravely injured from it, then maybe the story would have been different.
with that agreed upon, however... ]
Uh... well, yes, but...
[ now that she thinks about it, it's a little strange. that was the only memory that she saw of richard's that didn't involve that odd man's intervention. so was he purposefully trying to connect her to those times? she's not sure. ]
Listen, the only reason I didn't tell you at first was because I didn't think it was real. I mean, think about it from my perspective— it's a lot to take in when a guy comes in driving a car in old Europe. But um, I think that guy called Saint Germain or whatever has also been showing me parts of your past. Talking to me through you. Like when you met him and when...
[ she saw red and white mixed together in the most macabre painting. she draws in a shuddering breath as the sight of siobhan's corpse and all of those come together in her mind. ]
When I saw all those people that were killed. During one of your wars, I guess.
with that agreed upon, however... ]
Uh... well, yes, but...
[ now that she thinks about it, it's a little strange. that was the only memory that she saw of richard's that didn't involve that odd man's intervention. so was he purposefully trying to connect her to those times? she's not sure. ]
Listen, the only reason I didn't tell you at first was because I didn't think it was real. I mean, think about it from my perspective— it's a lot to take in when a guy comes in driving a car in old Europe. But um, I think that guy called Saint Germain or whatever has also been showing me parts of your past. Talking to me through you. Like when you met him and when...
[ she saw red and white mixed together in the most macabre painting. she draws in a shuddering breath as the sight of siobhan's corpse and all of those come together in her mind. ]
When I saw all those people that were killed. During one of your wars, I guess.
[ Realization seems to dawn on him as it sort of all clicks together. That would explain why he would randomly start doing strange rituals like that, wouldn't it? Which sort of begs the question of how he knew that in the first place, but after a certain point he's kind of accepted that he barely knew what Saint Germain was really up to.
When she mentions the massacre, though, his hands pull back from hers. He was afraid of this happening, even if might've just been an inevitability. ]
You actually saw it?
[ He knows Saint Germain had something about looking away and covering ears. They'd finally made their pact official by that point, so maybe it's not surprising, but... ]
When she mentions the massacre, though, his hands pull back from hers. He was afraid of this happening, even if might've just been an inevitability. ]
You actually saw it?
[ He knows Saint Germain had something about looking away and covering ears. They'd finally made their pact official by that point, so maybe it's not surprising, but... ]
I did. It was horrifying.
[ she shrinks back when saber pulls his hand from her, her hands held together against her chest so tightly that she can feel her nails pressing into her skin. her heart pounds with fear; she shouldn't have said this. she should have kept her mouth shut and kept it to herself, just like how it seems that she'll be keeping these murders for the rest of her life.
ashamed of her mistake, she hangs her head, staring at a blank space on the couch between them. ]
I didn't want to turn a blind eye to who you are. If I only knew one side of you and ignored the rest then... then what kind of Master... no, what kind of person would I be? [ though that gets her to laugh bitterly. she's no good as either, it seems. ] So I saw it. And it really was one of the worst things I've ever seen but...
[ but... ]
It hasn't stopped me. From wanting to be your Master. Or from wanting to make your wish come true. Because you're more than just that to me. You're a headstrong, stubborn, and fearless idiot, but you've been nothing but kind to me, caring for me this whole time, even when I was rude to you and pushed you away. You've saved my life so many times that I don't think I could ever repay you for it. And your wish is... it's beautiful, Saber. I can't imagine a more beautiful wish to see fulfilled by the Grail.
[ and that's why it hurts to know that she can't be the one to fulfill it. as she is now, it's fine, since she has no powers and no way to corrode saber's values, but imagining how different things could be is enough to turn her blood to ice. ]
I'm sorry. If you'd like me to leave, I will.
[ she shrinks back when saber pulls his hand from her, her hands held together against her chest so tightly that she can feel her nails pressing into her skin. her heart pounds with fear; she shouldn't have said this. she should have kept her mouth shut and kept it to herself, just like how it seems that she'll be keeping these murders for the rest of her life.
ashamed of her mistake, she hangs her head, staring at a blank space on the couch between them. ]
I didn't want to turn a blind eye to who you are. If I only knew one side of you and ignored the rest then... then what kind of Master... no, what kind of person would I be? [ though that gets her to laugh bitterly. she's no good as either, it seems. ] So I saw it. And it really was one of the worst things I've ever seen but...
[ but... ]
It hasn't stopped me. From wanting to be your Master. Or from wanting to make your wish come true. Because you're more than just that to me. You're a headstrong, stubborn, and fearless idiot, but you've been nothing but kind to me, caring for me this whole time, even when I was rude to you and pushed you away. You've saved my life so many times that I don't think I could ever repay you for it. And your wish is... it's beautiful, Saber. I can't imagine a more beautiful wish to see fulfilled by the Grail.
[ and that's why it hurts to know that she can't be the one to fulfill it. as she is now, it's fine, since she has no powers and no way to corrode saber's values, but imagining how different things could be is enough to turn her blood to ice. ]
I'm sorry. If you'd like me to leave, I will.
[ ayaka’s washed up and, due to today’s events, avoiding the narcisssus suite like the plague. so she’s in the sitting room of the primrose suite, her forehead pressed against her knees.
at least she’s not crying this week? small victories, right? ]
at least she’s not crying this week? small victories, right? ]
[ Waiting to swap back into the armor at the last possible minute after also washing up, Richard tries his best to linger without necessarily hovering, beyond depositing some water on a table next to her at some point. She isn't crying this week, it's true (though he'd understand why she was, even if this was nothing like last week), so he's not sure if the same approach is needed, or really wanted.
He watches her with her head against her knees, and coughs slightly. ]
Do you want to talk about it?
[ He's mad at himself for not sticking with her so she didn't have to deal with that, but it's how it happened. It ain't about him right now, anyway. ]
He watches her with her head against her knees, and coughs slightly. ]
Do you want to talk about it?
[ He's mad at himself for not sticking with her so she didn't have to deal with that, but it's how it happened. It ain't about him right now, anyway. ]
I don’t know where to start.
[ she straightens her back, fixing up her glasses on her face as she looks up at richard. she wrings her hands on her lap, and a part of her fears that, if she glances down, she’ll see them covered in blood again. ]
Andrew had talked to me earlier this week… she was afraid that she was going to be used as bait after last week. I thought if she was with us, she’d be safer, but…
[ obviously not. ]
[ she straightens her back, fixing up her glasses on her face as she looks up at richard. she wrings her hands on her lap, and a part of her fears that, if she glances down, she’ll see them covered in blood again. ]
Andrew had talked to me earlier this week… she was afraid that she was going to be used as bait after last week. I thought if she was with us, she’d be safer, but…
[ obviously not. ]
Maybe barricading the door would've been the better move, after all.
[ could've saved her by tiring her out too much and just going back to bed. tch. ]
Did she specify who she thought the bait was going to be for? [ ... ] Most likely us, right?
[ Given the timing of everything, there's no way that this wasn't targeted from last week. ]
[ could've saved her by tiring her out too much and just going back to bed. tch. ]
Did she specify who she thought the bait was going to be for? [ ... ] Most likely us, right?
[ Given the timing of everything, there's no way that this wasn't targeted from last week. ]
…Maybe.
[ she shudders at the thought. another person’s blood on their hand— how many more will it be? ]
Saber… should we say something?
[ she shudders at the thought. another person’s blood on their hand— how many more will it be? ]
Saber… should we say something?
[ After deliberating for a second, he finally gives up and moves to sit next to her. ]
... to be honest, I'm not sure what's the best course of action. [ shrugs his shoulders, before they deflate somewhat. ] I do not want to have another innocent person fall victim as a result of what we've done, but I also do not want to open up the capacity for any future retaliations on our part.
[ He means that he doesn't want her to be targeted specifically, but. He's trying to be conscious of the fact that they're supposed to be a unit in this. ]
... to be honest, I'm not sure what's the best course of action. [ shrugs his shoulders, before they deflate somewhat. ] I do not want to have another innocent person fall victim as a result of what we've done, but I also do not want to open up the capacity for any future retaliations on our part.
[ He means that he doesn't want her to be targeted specifically, but. He's trying to be conscious of the fact that they're supposed to be a unit in this. ]
[ as richard sits down next to her, ayaka will let herself rest her head on his shoulder, breathing out a shaky sigh.
that is the problem indeed, isn’t it? ]
I don’t know either. I’m worried about the same thing, actually. Maybe there’s no good solution.
[ she doesn’t want to die herself, but she’d be okay with falling on the sword for their crime. she’s aware though, that richard would never let her.
the image of sabo’s decapitated head flashes in the back of her mind, and she the idea of it being richard makes her stomach churn. ]
They tore Sabo apart. Shoved his head into a chandelier.
that is the problem indeed, isn’t it? ]
I don’t know either. I’m worried about the same thing, actually. Maybe there’s no good solution.
[ she doesn’t want to die herself, but she’d be okay with falling on the sword for their crime. she’s aware though, that richard would never let her.
the image of sabo’s decapitated head flashes in the back of her mind, and she the idea of it being richard makes her stomach churn. ]
They tore Sabo apart. Shoved his head into a chandelier.
[ He hums in thought, looking down at her leaning against him. There is no good solution, she's right. But he can't help but get the feeling that getting ahead of the narrative before it's forced on them might be the right move, but the distinct lack of an idea of how it'll go down gives him a great deal of pause. ]
... At the very least, it may be worth having some sort of number on our side should anything come to pass. [ His lips purse into a thin line, as he thinks about Ayaka's conversation with Homura on Tuesday.
At the mention of Sabo, though, he places his hand on her knee, in an attempt to help ground her from whatever he can assume she's seeing right now. ]
Where was the rest of him? If you know?
[ why did they play basketball with his head........... should've been on the bulls.... ]
... At the very least, it may be worth having some sort of number on our side should anything come to pass. [ His lips purse into a thin line, as he thinks about Ayaka's conversation with Homura on Tuesday.
At the mention of Sabo, though, he places his hand on her knee, in an attempt to help ground her from whatever he can assume she's seeing right now. ]
Where was the rest of him? If you know?
[ why did they play basketball with his head........... should've been on the bulls.... ]
...Well, numbers are only going down, Saber. Should we hold a meeting with the rest of your roommates? Or at least the ones that might not kill us if they find out?
[ if they want numbers on their side then there's no better time than now. and if it's true that the dead are elsewhere, then perhaps they're watching them; cursing them.
she looks down at the hand on her knee, and she weakly places hers on top. ]
I found his...the torso in the gallery. [ she draws in a sharp breath, holds it, and lets it go. ] But it had no limbs, so I'm guessing others had to find it.
[ if they want numbers on their side then there's no better time than now. and if it's true that the dead are elsewhere, then perhaps they're watching them; cursing them.
she looks down at the hand on her knee, and she weakly places hers on top. ]
I found his...the torso in the gallery. [ she draws in a sharp breath, holds it, and lets it go. ] But it had no limbs, so I'm guessing others had to find it.
[ For as proud as he is, the worry is clearly etched on Richard's face. It's not something he ever wanted her to see, to not have to worry about when there was already so much danger around them in Snowfield. She shouldn't have to see him in this light when he's already dragged her through so much suffering as it is.
... But that wouldn't be her, would it? Even when she wasn't his Master, she had no problems with him as he was, except when getting mad when he tried pulling stupid moves to protect her. She was worried about betraying him. That she would end up selling him out, when it wasn't even the smallest of worries for him?
But it's clear to him, as she speaks, that that's something she didn't even need to worry about. ]
Don't.
[ It's a quiet request for her not to leave, but he coughs to clear his throat. ]
I'm not a good person, Ayaka. But I'd hoped that you wouldn't have to see most of my sins, in some sort of selfish wish to shield you from the worst of it. Fate may have had other plans, but it does not mean that this is something that you need or deserve to have on your shoulders.
[ They're sharing so much of the consequences, he feels he needs at least this. All he can do is take and take, and this is just the logical next step, right? ]
But if it will not stop you from being my Master, then I have no choice but to take that resolve, too. After all, I would never have finally found my wish for the Grail without you. This does not happen without you here.
[ He reaches out and takes her chin between his thumb and forefinger, tilting her head up so he can meet her gaze again. ]
So, please. Stay.
... But that wouldn't be her, would it? Even when she wasn't his Master, she had no problems with him as he was, except when getting mad when he tried pulling stupid moves to protect her. She was worried about betraying him. That she would end up selling him out, when it wasn't even the smallest of worries for him?
But it's clear to him, as she speaks, that that's something she didn't even need to worry about. ]
Don't.
[ It's a quiet request for her not to leave, but he coughs to clear his throat. ]
I'm not a good person, Ayaka. But I'd hoped that you wouldn't have to see most of my sins, in some sort of selfish wish to shield you from the worst of it. Fate may have had other plans, but it does not mean that this is something that you need or deserve to have on your shoulders.
[ They're sharing so much of the consequences, he feels he needs at least this. All he can do is take and take, and this is just the logical next step, right? ]
But if it will not stop you from being my Master, then I have no choice but to take that resolve, too. After all, I would never have finally found my wish for the Grail without you. This does not happen without you here.
[ He reaches out and takes her chin between his thumb and forefinger, tilting her head up so he can meet her gaze again. ]
So, please. Stay.
[ with her head still hanging low, her eyes open wide when she hears saber ask her to stay. in the back of her head, she doubts it as anything other than an auditory hallucination, a desperate desire for some sort of comfort after everything in the past two days.
but as he keeps talking, about how he's not a good person and how he wanted to protect her from that part of himself, she realizes that these are saber's genuine emotions. with her heart pounding in her chest, she wants to refute that she couldn't have possibly done anything to help saber come up with such a beautifully selfless wish, when all she does is take from and bring ruin to others-- but nothing comes out.
and then he's tilting her head up so delicately that she doesn't resist it. looking up, her blue eyes meet saber's red, and she hears his genuine request once more. ]
but as he keeps talking, about how he's not a good person and how he wanted to protect her from that part of himself, she realizes that these are saber's genuine emotions. with her heart pounding in her chest, she wants to refute that she couldn't have possibly done anything to help saber come up with such a beautifully selfless wish, when all she does is take from and bring ruin to others-- but nothing comes out.
and then he's tilting her head up so delicately that she doesn't resist it. looking up, her blue eyes meet saber's red, and she hears his genuine request once more. ]
Saber, I...
[ it's a beautiful scene, she realizes. like straight out of a movie, with a girl and her prince. selfishly, she can't help but feel a small joy over this, along with relief that saber would ask her to stay--but that is quickly suffocated by the truth she has been avoiding this whole time.
she glances down, and then back up at richard. ]
I have one more thing that I need to tell you. It's... it's about myself...about what I remembered about myself in Snowfield, right before coming here.
[ once again, she's afraid. afraid of whether it will change his perception of her and how. now that she's unable to look away from him, however, she feels like she has no choice but to face the truth. ]
[ it's a beautiful scene, she realizes. like straight out of a movie, with a girl and her prince. selfishly, she can't help but feel a small joy over this, along with relief that saber would ask her to stay--but that is quickly suffocated by the truth she has been avoiding this whole time.
she glances down, and then back up at richard. ]
I have one more thing that I need to tell you. It's... it's about myself...about what I remembered about myself in Snowfield, right before coming here.
[ once again, she's afraid. afraid of whether it will change his perception of her and how. now that she's unable to look away from him, however, she feels like she has no choice but to face the truth. ]
[ Richard blinks, having forgotten that she had just remembered right before they woke up here. She had said something about her lying to him at the start of all this, hadn't she? Is that what this is about? ]
What did you remember?
[ He knows it's not going to matter either way, but he can see the worry on her face. ]
What did you remember?
[ He knows it's not going to matter either way, but he can see the worry on her face. ]
I’m…
[ suddenly, she feels like it’s hard to breathe. it takes a couple attempts for the words to come out, shaky and pained. ]
I’m not Ayaka Sajyou. Not the real one, at least. I’m not even human. I’m… the Red Riding Hood. The one I’ve been seeing this whole time.
[ suddenly, she feels like it’s hard to breathe. it takes a couple attempts for the words to come out, shaky and pained. ]
I’m not Ayaka Sajyou. Not the real one, at least. I’m not even human. I’m… the Red Riding Hood. The one I’ve been seeing this whole time.
I'm not sure... maybe.
[ perhaps? a funhouse reflection of herself, magnified and distorted by all the changes that were forced onto her. ]
I just had so much guilt over being given this body... I had...have so much blood on my hands because of what I am that I guess it wasn't hard for that woman to use magecraft or whatever on me to make me think she was a curse that would chase me all the way into the Holy Grail War.
[ and yet the girl had never actually meant her harm, did she? she smiled at her, wished her good luck... maybe, despite it all, she was only meant to serve as a guide, rather than a fearsome ghost. ]
[ perhaps? a funhouse reflection of herself, magnified and distorted by all the changes that were forced onto her. ]
I just had so much guilt over being given this body... I had...have so much blood on my hands because of what I am that I guess it wasn't hard for that woman to use magecraft or whatever on me to make me think she was a curse that would chase me all the way into the Holy Grail War.
[ and yet the girl had never actually meant her harm, did she? she smiled at her, wished her good luck... maybe, despite it all, she was only meant to serve as a guide, rather than a fearsome ghost. ]
Edited 2025-04-01 00:13 (UTC)
I... don't know. I've been struggling to figure that out.
[ the humanoid creature torn apart by humans. the little red riding hood of the semina apartments. the mysterious 'person A' who was haunted by the same girl. all of them molded into the same person, a false reflection of ayaka sajyou. ]
While we were in Snowfield, did you ever feel anything off about me? Like you were being influenced or...or something?
[ the humanoid creature torn apart by humans. the little red riding hood of the semina apartments. the mysterious 'person A' who was haunted by the same girl. all of them molded into the same person, a false reflection of ayaka sajyou. ]
While we were in Snowfield, did you ever feel anything off about me? Like you were being influenced or...or something?
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