[ Once he gets Ayaka out of the library, the only place that Richard can think to take them where there's at least a short amount of time that they'll be alone is the Primrose suite. He knows there's not a lot of time before some of them start filtering back to the room, like they did last week, so they have to be quick.
But it's not the highest priority right now, as he sets Ayaka on the floor of the powder room, closing the door behind him. He's practically bristling with energy, like he's been charged with something, but his tone is even as ever as he watches her carefully. ]
[ the world comes to her in snapshots. one moment she’s wrestling siobhan to get the knife away from her, and in another she’s sinking it into her abdomen. and then… then…? when did saber get there? how much time passed between the murder and being led back? she remembers being led to the fountain and back to the burning library where the urgency of the fire had brought forth that primal instinct to live once more… but all of this she remembers like a spectator watching a scene unfold before them.
the impersonal and passive version of her comes to a logical conclusion that strikes her mind and soul with the force of a sledgehammer.
‘you killed siobhan roy.’ ]
I- I don’t… No one was awake… I couldn’t…
[ she’s curled up with her legs pressed close against her chest. there’s scrapes on her hands, the gravel from them washed off or removed with all the movement. they’re not bleeding badly, but there are patches that are still lightly oozing blood. ]
I-I’m sorry. Saber, I— because of me— I— you— aaaah…
[ the words fail her. the horror of having made saber an accessory to her crimes. if her legs weren’t failing her, she’d try to walk away. but there’s nothing she can do but stare at her partner with shell-shock horror. ]
[ He's not sure what, precisely, she's apologizing for. Whether she knows what he did – taking matters into his own hands to ensure that, when it came down to it, no harm came to her. The fact that she's looking at him, and not over his shoulder for the little girl that's not actually there, is a good sign as any, but he can't be sure. And asking right now doesn't seem like it'd be particularly helpful to getting her to calm down somewhat.
He's helpful in starting a fight, or forcing his way through things like a wild animal. In cases like these, for as talented and strong as he is, he doesn't know what to do. It's almost like the reality check he had been given after fighting with the King of Heroes, but he doesn't even have the wherewithal to let himself burn out of magical energy and fade away.
Wordlessly, he stands up to move out of the powder room for not even a minute, returning to her on the floor with the items he got between the two weeks, the analgesic vial and the spray he had received before they went to the library. ]
Are you hurt anywhere?
[ His tone is quiet and gentle, which seems like a mismatch from the fire in his eyes that doesn't seem to go away. ]
[ as richard leaves, ayaka's sight doesn't follow him. maybe it'd be better to say that she isn't looking at him, but simply forward.
in his absence, however quick it is, she sees it. the figure, much smaller than her, staring back at her. with her hood pulled down, she can see it now. the transparent blonde hair and pointed ears sticking out, with blue eyes staring back at her. when saber's back, her face is in her hands. she doesn't want to see her. she doesn't want to see him. she doesn't want to see anyone.
his question sounds distant, as if he were talking from hundreds of meters away. with a shuddering breath, she tries to assess the damage and comes up with nothing but static. with a shuddering breath, she tries to give whatever information comes to her head. ]
I-I tripped. My hands... I think my ankle... oh god, Saber what did I do?
[ another person dead because of her. once again, her hands are marred in the blood of others, like the monster that she is. ]
[ Richard pauses, undoing the restraints on his gauntlets so he can pull them and the gloves off. He gently takes one of her hands into his own, figuring out how to use the bottle before spraying it onto her palm. ]
You've done nothing wrong, Ayaka. This is not your fault.
[ He should have done something sooner to act, to make it so she was never put in this situation in the first place. He knows that he failed, in that sense, but it doesn't mean he won't keep trying for her sake.
He watches the spray work on stitching the scrapes on her palm back together, his eyes occasionally flitting up to hers in case they meet. ]
Siobhan Roy's blood is not on your hands.
[ It's an addition to the countless on his, either by his hand or in his name, but it's one worth taking. ]
[ with one hand in his, she's forced to look at him. she glances to the side, like the instincts of a frightened animal, but her gaze always returns to his own, as fiery as the color of his eyes.
upon hearing him say that siobhan's blood is not on her hands, she feels a scream lodge itself in her throat, which she swallows down like a stone. ayaka glances down to her healing hand, where she can still see smudged blood that she's not certain of whether or not it belongs to her. ]
Of course it's my fault. Saber, I-- I stabbed her! I could've thrown the knife, I could've run away with it, I could've... I could've... I don't know! I could've done something else! Anything else!
[ it all went so fast, that to ayaka it's all a blur. who got the knife to drop, who picked up, who was above who... it doesn't matter to her. all she remembers is that horrible feeling of metal sinking into flesh and the warm blood on her hands. ]
You should just let me bear this. If you involve yourself too much, they might... they might vote for you.
[ and if saber dies for her sake... she wouldn't be able to handle something like that. ]
She was trying to kill you. I'm not sure any sort of delay tactics would've held for long.
[ The barricades, the intentional slowdowns – it may have been just so anyone who happened to wake up took their time before encountering the two of them, but given that it was Ayaka and not anyone else, it feels a little targeted specifically to them.
He's said it once, he'll say it again. Any enemy of hers is an enemy of his, and he won't hesitate to stand in the way. ]
Sorry, that's just one thing I cannot do. I'll be behind you all the way. We're a team, right?
[ He runs the pad of this thumb over her palm, catching some of the smudge and wiping it away. ]
And I'm not going to be able to convince you otherwise, right?
[ with the back of her other hand, she brushes the tears that were building up in the corners of her eyes. with a pain in her heart, she remembers what she told siobhan during their first argument. she had called saber headstrong, impulsive, and unknowing of fear.
she forgot stubborn.
the warmth of her hand in his is welcome, and it's because of that kindness that she instinctively wants to reject it; pull herself away from any gentleness that she's so undeserving of. but with immense willpower, she keeps her hand in place, letting saber wipe the blood from it. the hand is mostly clean now, as if its sins were wiped away.
always, always, she has to be the one that watches and causes the misery and death of others. she can't let this happen to saber. anyone but him.
in a voice quiet enough for only the two of them to hear inside the powder room, she whispers: ]
[ The smile he gives her is warm, like they're not actively looking down the barrel of their demise. She'd shown such strength over these last three weeks, even though fate seemed to have a penchant for dragging her wherever it saw fit. But they'd been together through it all (even when she didn't want to be), and gone through so much, and he's watched her come into her own as a Master.
But it doesn't matter here. What matters is what comes next.
Richard pauses, before reaching up with his other hand to wipe away a stray tear running down Ayaka's cheek. His smile dims, and his tone gets more serious. ]
[ her eyes lock with his as he asks her if she's ready. the scream is still sitting in her stomach, festering terribly with wave after wave of anxiety threatening to swallow her whole like mud.
and yet, as she looks up to saber and his unwavering faith in her, she realizes that this is not the time for her to curl up and wish to disappear. she can do that after, once they've been caught and tried for their crimes. but for now, she has to be the support that saber needs, because he has never once failed to be the pillar that she has needed this whole time.
placing her hand in his, she gives him a nod. ]
I don't know if I can bring us to victory. [ because this is, at the end of the day, just another battle, right? the stakes are similar to the holy grail war. a battle without swords, perhaps, but the takes are the same. ] But we're a team, right? So if you're going to fight, then I'll be fighting with you until the end.
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lol. lmfao. (w2 invest/pre-trial)
But it's not the highest priority right now, as he sets Ayaka on the floor of the powder room, closing the door behind him. He's practically bristling with energy, like he's been charged with something, but his tone is even as ever as he watches her carefully. ]
Ayaka. Are you okay?
no subject
the impersonal and passive version of her comes to a logical conclusion that strikes her mind and soul with the force of a sledgehammer.
‘you killed siobhan roy.’ ]
I- I don’t… No one was awake… I couldn’t…
[ she’s curled up with her legs pressed close against her chest. there’s scrapes on her hands, the gravel from them washed off or removed with all the movement. they’re not bleeding badly, but there are patches that are still lightly oozing blood. ]
I-I’m sorry. Saber, I— because of me— I— you— aaaah…
[ the words fail her. the horror of having made saber an accessory to her crimes. if her legs weren’t failing her, she’d try to walk away. but there’s nothing she can do but stare at her partner with shell-shock horror. ]
no subject
[ He's not sure what, precisely, she's apologizing for. Whether she knows what he did – taking matters into his own hands to ensure that, when it came down to it, no harm came to her. The fact that she's looking at him, and not over his shoulder for the little girl that's not actually there, is a good sign as any, but he can't be sure. And asking right now doesn't seem like it'd be particularly helpful to getting her to calm down somewhat.
He's helpful in starting a fight, or forcing his way through things like a wild animal. In cases like these, for as talented and strong as he is, he doesn't know what to do. It's almost like the reality check he had been given after fighting with the King of Heroes, but he doesn't even have the wherewithal to let himself burn out of magical energy and fade away.
Wordlessly, he stands up to move out of the powder room for not even a minute, returning to her on the floor with the items he got between the two weeks, the analgesic vial and the spray he had received before they went to the library. ]
Are you hurt anywhere?
[ His tone is quiet and gentle, which seems like a mismatch from the fire in his eyes that doesn't seem to go away. ]
no subject
in his absence, however quick it is, she sees it. the figure, much smaller than her, staring back at her. with her hood pulled down, she can see it now. the transparent blonde hair and pointed ears sticking out, with blue eyes staring back at her. when saber's back, her face is in her hands. she doesn't want to see her. she doesn't want to see him. she doesn't want to see anyone.
his question sounds distant, as if he were talking from hundreds of meters away. with a shuddering breath, she tries to assess the damage and comes up with nothing but static. with a shuddering breath, she tries to give whatever information comes to her head. ]
I-I tripped. My hands... I think my ankle... oh god, Saber what did I do?
[ another person dead because of her. once again, her hands are marred in the blood of others, like the monster that she is. ]
no subject
You've done nothing wrong, Ayaka. This is not your fault.
[ He should have done something sooner to act, to make it so she was never put in this situation in the first place. He knows that he failed, in that sense, but it doesn't mean he won't keep trying for her sake.
He watches the spray work on stitching the scrapes on her palm back together, his eyes occasionally flitting up to hers in case they meet. ]
Siobhan Roy's blood is not on your hands.
[ It's an addition to the countless on his, either by his hand or in his name, but it's one worth taking. ]
no subject
upon hearing him say that siobhan's blood is not on her hands, she feels a scream lodge itself in her throat, which she swallows down like a stone. ayaka glances down to her healing hand, where she can still see smudged blood that she's not certain of whether or not it belongs to her. ]
Of course it's my fault. Saber, I-- I stabbed her! I could've thrown the knife, I could've run away with it, I could've... I could've... I don't know! I could've done something else! Anything else!
[ it all went so fast, that to ayaka it's all a blur. who got the knife to drop, who picked up, who was above who... it doesn't matter to her. all she remembers is that horrible feeling of metal sinking into flesh and the warm blood on her hands. ]
You should just let me bear this. If you involve yourself too much, they might... they might vote for you.
[ and if saber dies for her sake... she wouldn't be able to handle something like that. ]
no subject
[ The barricades, the intentional slowdowns – it may have been just so anyone who happened to wake up took their time before encountering the two of them, but given that it was Ayaka and not anyone else, it feels a little targeted specifically to them.
He's said it once, he'll say it again. Any enemy of hers is an enemy of his, and he won't hesitate to stand in the way. ]
Sorry, that's just one thing I cannot do. I'll be behind you all the way. We're a team, right?
[ He runs the pad of this thumb over her palm, catching some of the smudge and wiping it away. ]
no subject
[ with the back of her other hand, she brushes the tears that were building up in the corners of her eyes. with a pain in her heart, she remembers what she told siobhan during their first argument. she had called saber headstrong, impulsive, and unknowing of fear.
she forgot stubborn.
the warmth of her hand in his is welcome, and it's because of that kindness that she instinctively wants to reject it; pull herself away from any gentleness that she's so undeserving of. but with immense willpower, she keeps her hand in place, letting saber wipe the blood from it. the hand is mostly clean now, as if its sins were wiped away.
always, always, she has to be the one that watches and causes the misery and death of others. she can't let this happen to saber. anyone but him.
in a voice quiet enough for only the two of them to hear inside the powder room, she whispers: ]
What should we do now?
no subject
[ The smile he gives her is warm, like they're not actively looking down the barrel of their demise. She'd shown such strength over these last three weeks, even though fate seemed to have a penchant for dragging her wherever it saw fit. But they'd been together through it all (even when she didn't want to be), and gone through so much, and he's watched her come into her own as a Master.
But it doesn't matter here. What matters is what comes next.
Richard pauses, before reaching up with his other hand to wipe away a stray tear running down Ayaka's cheek. His smile dims, and his tone gets more serious. ]
Do you think you can do this?
no subject
and yet, as she looks up to saber and his unwavering faith in her, she realizes that this is not the time for her to curl up and wish to disappear. she can do that after, once they've been caught and tried for their crimes. but for now, she has to be the support that saber needs, because he has never once failed to be the pillar that she has needed this whole time.
placing her hand in his, she gives him a nod. ]
I don't know if I can bring us to victory. [ because this is, at the end of the day, just another battle, right? the stakes are similar to the holy grail war. a battle without swords, perhaps, but the takes are the same. ] But we're a team, right? So if you're going to fight, then I'll be fighting with you until the end.