[ but fine, she’ll turn back around to face him and his stupid smug grin.
though what he says is interesting. she’s coming into herself because of all that has happened? that can’t be quite right. she was the little fugitive that only knew how to run away from her problems. even before the suggestion magecraft had been placed on her, that had been all she knew how to do. so how could she possibily have such a big change?
…
her expression softens as she comes up with an answer. ]
I mean… if anything it’s probably thanks to, well, your support. I’ve leaned on you a lot this whole time so… thank you. For everything up until now.
[ ayaka blinks, surprised by the comment. she never has given herself much importance during her time here. she can’t imagine that she would be so important that saber would have trouble if she wasn’t here.
she brings her knees close, studying richard. she never thought that he would be selling himself low. ]
I don’t know, I feel like you’ve gotten along well with your roommates. If anything, sometimes I feel like I’m in the way.
[ he’s so protective of her, after all. if she weren’t around, would he not be more free to do as he wanted? ]
[ He thumbs the ribbon attached to part of his armor that's been getting remade every time they all reset at the start of the week. She's right about Primrose, at least – the way that some stepped up for them on Tuesday just cements that. But still, it still feels transient, somehow. Perhaps it's just the knowledge that either way, at the end of their journey and the Grail War, he's destined to simply return to the Throne, with or without the wish.
When Ayaka voices her opinion about being in the way, he animates a little more, the mild displeasure apparent in his face and tone. ] Perish the thought! You could never be a hindrance or a bother. Was it not your quick thinking that led everything surrounding Blade turning into a frog leading us to victory?
[ And besides, wasn't he the real hindrance? She should've been able to live on her own terms, without having to worry about what he'd do or what trouble he'd inevitably drag her into. Hell, isn't the chain events that's unfolded mostly because of what he led her to do? ]
You are stronger than you think, Ayaka. These last few weeks have been nothing but proof of that.
[ when saber mentions blade's frog turning, ayaka...laughs. it's not loud or obnoxious, but a small, sudden pearl of laughter that disappears like a trick of the light. what remains from that is a rare smile and a feeling of lightness that feels strange to her.
she shouldn't laugh about it, and she knows it. and yet, she can't help but find it funny how absurd that moment was. ]
I don't know if I could call that quick thinking. It felt more like I was flailing around.
[ but saber calls her strong and she... doesn't know what to say to that. has she really grown that much these past few weeks? ]
Honestly... if it had been just me, I probably would have confessed to it immediately. But you were there so... I guess I wanted to protect you. I know you'll go back to the Throne or wherever once we go back and the war ends, so you're probably ready to die, but it's different to me here.
[ she can't help it. after so much time together, ayaka has realized that she has gotten attached. and while the eventual parting will come one day or another, she will do everything that's in her control to make sure it doesn't come a day sooner. ]
[ Ayaka's laugh immediately works through him, seemingly healing the slight knit in his brow like a cure-all. Maybe anywhere else it would be appropriate to make light of what happened, but there is something about the absurdity of it all that makes hard to not laugh at. Especially when she's smiling at him the way that she is – he'd say it was a cute look on her, but maybe that's not the most appropriate at the moment. ]
I'm glad that you did not. [ confess immediately, he means. ] I know the group would have been sympathetic, but opening yourself up for any kind of targeting is the last thing I want to happen.
[ Which, admittedly, he's a little worried about what the next few hours will bring. If she wakes up again, can he even be sure that he'll rouse again, much less wake up in time to intervene? He almost failed her before – he wasn't even able to stop Shiv before it was too late, what's to say he gets lucky again?
...
He shakes his head, sighing with a reassuring smile. ] I guess being together helps ensure that we do not inadvertently destroy ourselves along the way, does it not?
[ Even if he doesn't really touch on it, she's not wrong about his feelings about being ready to die if it came down to it. But, she's right about another point: things are very different here. Even for him. ]
I... guess we're both... kind of self-destructive, aren't we?
[ with richard pointing it out, the fact is fairly clear for ayaka. and while she's always known her worst habits, having them pointed out so nonchalantly by her servant adds a new layer of embarrassment to it. she threw herself into the knife out of a desperate and unnecessary desire to protect richard the same way that he let himself be turned into a pincushion by the golden servant in a feeble attempt to protect the church she was hiding in.
and what would he have done, had someone started to doubt her during that trial? would he have threatened to turn that trial into a bloodbath and destroyed every good relationship he had just to protect her?
she doesn't ask; she thinks she knows the answer. instead she leans, resting her head on richard's arm, staring ahead. ]
But I... I have to admit that I'm glad you're here. And...selfishly...I'm glad that the majority didn't vote for you. [ may those words never reach siffrin. she knows that he doesn't deserve to have died in either of their stead, nor did andrew deserve to have her life taken in response to that, but... ] I don't know what I would have done if that had happened.
[ would that have been the straw that broke the camel's back? would she have tried to sway the others' opinions on her and get them to vote for her instead or would she have shut down and watched it all happen in horror. the uncertainty of it scares her, and she can't help but be glad it never happened. ]
So thanks... for staying with me this whole time. Even if I was probably a lot of trouble sometimes.
[ richard might as well be an angel considering how much he had to take care of her. ]
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no subject
[ but fine, she’ll turn back around to face him and his stupid smug grin.
though what he says is interesting. she’s coming into herself because of all that has happened? that can’t be quite right. she was the little fugitive that only knew how to run away from her problems. even before the suggestion magecraft had been placed on her, that had been all she knew how to do. so how could she possibily have such a big change?
…
her expression softens as she comes up with an answer. ]
I mean… if anything it’s probably thanks to, well, your support. I’ve leaned on you a lot this whole time so… thank you. For everything up until now.
no subject
I've done nothing to be grateful for.
[ The grin softens into something appreciative. ]
If anything, I should be the one thanking you. I do not think I would have lasted very long if not for your determination and resolve this whole time.
no subject
[ ayaka blinks, surprised by the comment. she never has given herself much importance during her time here. she can’t imagine that she would be so important that saber would have trouble if she wasn’t here.
she brings her knees close, studying richard. she never thought that he would be selling himself low. ]
I don’t know, I feel like you’ve gotten along well with your roommates. If anything, sometimes I feel like I’m in the way.
[ he’s so protective of her, after all. if she weren’t around, would he not be more free to do as he wanted? ]
no subject
When Ayaka voices her opinion about being in the way, he animates a little more, the mild displeasure apparent in his face and tone. ] Perish the thought! You could never be a hindrance or a bother. Was it not your quick thinking that led everything surrounding Blade turning into a frog leading us to victory?
[ And besides, wasn't he the real hindrance? She should've been able to live on her own terms, without having to worry about what he'd do or what trouble he'd inevitably drag her into. Hell, isn't the chain events that's unfolded mostly because of what he led her to do? ]
You are stronger than you think, Ayaka. These last few weeks have been nothing but proof of that.
no subject
she shouldn't laugh about it, and she knows it. and yet, she can't help but find it funny how absurd that moment was. ]
I don't know if I could call that quick thinking. It felt more like I was flailing around.
[ but saber calls her strong and she... doesn't know what to say to that. has she really grown that much these past few weeks? ]
Honestly... if it had been just me, I probably would have confessed to it immediately. But you were there so... I guess I wanted to protect you. I know you'll go back to the Throne or wherever once we go back and the war ends, so you're probably ready to die, but it's different to me here.
[ she can't help it. after so much time together, ayaka has realized that she has gotten attached. and while the eventual parting will come one day or another, she will do everything that's in her control to make sure it doesn't come a day sooner. ]
no subject
I'm glad that you did not. [ confess immediately, he means. ] I know the group would have been sympathetic, but opening yourself up for any kind of targeting is the last thing I want to happen.
[ Which, admittedly, he's a little worried about what the next few hours will bring. If she wakes up again, can he even be sure that he'll rouse again, much less wake up in time to intervene? He almost failed her before – he wasn't even able to stop Shiv before it was too late, what's to say he gets lucky again?
...
He shakes his head, sighing with a reassuring smile. ] I guess being together helps ensure that we do not inadvertently destroy ourselves along the way, does it not?
[ Even if he doesn't really touch on it, she's not wrong about his feelings about being ready to die if it came down to it. But, she's right about another point: things are very different here. Even for him. ]
no subject
[ with richard pointing it out, the fact is fairly clear for ayaka. and while she's always known her worst habits, having them pointed out so nonchalantly by her servant adds a new layer of embarrassment to it. she threw herself into the knife out of a desperate and unnecessary desire to protect richard the same way that he let himself be turned into a pincushion by the golden servant in a feeble attempt to protect the church she was hiding in.
and what would he have done, had someone started to doubt her during that trial? would he have threatened to turn that trial into a bloodbath and destroyed every good relationship he had just to protect her?
she doesn't ask; she thinks she knows the answer. instead she leans, resting her head on richard's arm, staring ahead. ]
But I... I have to admit that I'm glad you're here. And...selfishly...I'm glad that the majority didn't vote for you. [ may those words never reach siffrin. she knows that he doesn't deserve to have died in either of their stead, nor did andrew deserve to have her life taken in response to that, but... ] I don't know what I would have done if that had happened.
[ would that have been the straw that broke the camel's back? would she have tried to sway the others' opinions on her and get them to vote for her instead or would she have shut down and watched it all happen in horror. the uncertainty of it scares her, and she can't help but be glad it never happened. ]
So thanks... for staying with me this whole time. Even if I was probably a lot of trouble sometimes.
[ richard might as well be an angel considering how much he had to take care of her. ]