[ He flashes her a somewhat apologetic smile, letting her elbow him as much as she needs. ]
I was wondering if that was you. [ As far as he knew she hadn't used hers up until that point, but he can't be informed about everything at this point. He suddenly realizes how much he's been missing Loxley and the others these last 36 hours. ]
It was a good strategy, panic or not – at the very least, it served as a valuable way to waste the valuable time that was left.
[ And with Andrew's accusation... somehow things seemed to fall in place after that. ]
There's nothing to apologize for. You did good, Ayaka. [ As much as he wishes she didn't have to. ]
[ she wants to say that she doesn't feel like she did any good, but that fact is already more than obvious in the way that she had just been openly sobbing no more than 10 minutes ago.
she leans her head against the backrest of the sofa, staring up at the ceiling and closing her eyes. upon immediately seeing the same fast forwarded scene that's been practically burned into the backs of her eyelids, she opens them, and turns towards saber. ]
...
[ siobhan called him an attack dog. chara called him a weapon. ayaka doesn't want to see him as either, but considering that saber has never refuted either statement, she wonders just how he feels about it. she called herself his master, but... is she actually fit to do this? ]
Saber... [ she's not naive. but her desire to escape from those agonizing moments is blocking her memory. she has seen his memories and she knows what he was capable of. if saber had come before everyone else had woken up, then... ] Was I the one that killed Siobhan?
[ regardless of the answer, the result remains the same. siobhan is dead, and she's responsible for it, one way or another. whether it's by landing the killing blow or by forcing saber to be in the position of having to take her out of her misery. ]
[ As Ayaka leans back and they fall into a quiet, Richard takes it as his cue to start removing pieces of his armor, placing the discarded pieces on a nearby chair. Should he even be here? Should he not have fallen on the sword, as was his plan should even the slightest bit of doubt went her way? Perhaps he should just be glad nothing actually went up her way, but he can't deny that it still feels strange, having expected it to go down a completely different way.
When she finally asks him, he stops what he's doing, and looks back at her. It doesn't take a single amount of deliberation for a definitive answer: ]
No.
[ It's short, and confident enough to try and ensure that there's no room for doubt. ] The strike in the chest was not your doing.
[ ayaka freezes at the answer. even though she had logically expected it, it doesn't make the reality of it any easier. with the confirmation, the memories that were dammed are free to flow. she remembers seeing richard arrive, lightning crackling at his feet, picking up the knife and bringing it down into siobhan's chest in a fluid motion.
suddenly, it feels hard to breathe again, as the memory washes over her again like poison. in the darkness, it had been difficult to see siobhan's corpse and, in the trial, ayaka had made an effort to ignore siobhan's corpse, because she's not sure she would have been able to keep it together if she had gotten close to it. ]
[ but instead of screaming or letting her tears fall again, ayaka closes her eyes, straightens her back, and draws in a shaky breath to calm herself down.
instead of the usual scene that's been playing on loop of siobhan dying, this time, she hears the words of that strange man that followed richard around-- the words she heard before she saw the field of beheaded corpses, painting the ground a deep, deep red.
'When it's all said and done, I ask you to please accept him as he is. It means nothing if I, someone who lived his time, do it. It must be you, someone who lived a different time.'
without thinking, ayaka leans forward, to grab his hand with both of hers. as if he would disappear into thin air if she let him go. ]
Saber.
[ her voice trembles. he has covered his hands in blood for her sake, even though she's so undeserving of it. ]
I'm sorry. [ she's undeserving of this. in her heart, she knows that she should have been tried tonight. but here she is now, with her and saber both safe for now. ] And thank you.
Edited (had to make it worse for us; i need to be put down) 2025-03-25 03:33 (UTC)
[ In all honesty, Richard half-expected her to yell at him, like she's been doing all the way up until now. And to be fair, isn't that what the right reaction to this is? She'd been mad at him pulling other stupid stunts to try and protect her, is this fundamentally no different?
So when she takes his hand, he tenses slightly, surprise clearly painted on his face. ]
Ayaka...?
[ He's not sure what to say, exactly. It was so much easier to try and play a lot of it off like he was just being needlessly agggressive, and trying his best to distract from the point, but this...
Even if it wasn't the outcome he was planning for or expecting, it still resulted in her safety. And wasn't that what really mattered to him, deep down? With the amount of blood that's on Richard the Lionheart's hands, adding two people to that count doesn't even register as a drop in the bucket to him. For her, he'd bear the responsibility for it all over again. As many times as this place traps them in the loop, he'd do it again and again.
After all, if Ish won't honor the wish to protect her here, then he still has work to do, right? ]
There's nothing to apologize for. [ a broken record, but it bears repeating. ] I wasn't about to let her have the last laugh.
[ If anything, Siobhan Roy should be glad she only went out with a knife to the chest. ]
[ despite the initial terror of finding herself awake while saber wasn't, a small part of her hadn't given up hope that somehow, he would help her. and help her she did...at the cost of two lives. that will weigh on her shoulders forever, along with the kind college student that had given ayaka their body, the mage couple that ripped each other apart, and god knows how many others.
hwylryn had asked her if she valued one life above another when asked about andrew and siffrin. in that moment, she had said that she couldn't. but with saber next to him, responsible for a crime that he committed to save her life, she can't help but feel that her answer would have changed if the person in question had been him. ]
I'm mad that you set the library on fire and put everyone else in danger. That was so stupid of you that I can't even begin to describe it.
[ she huffs out a sigh through her nose, looking down at their hands. ]
But I'm going to help you carry the weight of Siffrin and Siobhan's deaths. I don't care if you tell me that it's nothing for you. I'm... not taking no for an answer, so don't even try.
[ the same way that saber didn't give up on her earlier, she won't let him carry everything on his own. ]
[ At the mention of the library, sweats a little. ]
That... was not my intention. The door was blocked by her barricades, and I was trying to circumvent them and... while the lightning proved to be helpful, it seemed to have gotten a little out of hand. [ the power of the tunnel vision is real. ] I won't make any excuses for it, though – that was my fault.
[ Not to mention that wasting time trying to put it out would've meant that he would show up too late. As much as killing everyone from smoke inhalation was ideal...
He stills, looking down and away as she keeps going, feeling himself get more sheepish. ]
You don't... have to.
[ Yes, she just said she wouldn't take a no, but he can't help himself. It doesn't seem to have as much behind it as it normally would, if it helps. ]
[ what an odd sight, to see her boisterous and larger-than-life servant become so sheepish while she realizes how unnaturally bold she's being. well, it's not like either of them are good at being honest with their feelings, so maybe it's natural that this would happen when one confronted the other.
she just didn't think it would be herself that would be doing it. ]
Even if you say that I don't have to— [ and she feels like she does. this is as much her doing as his, even if he was the one to deal the finishing blow ] —I still want to.
[ because they're a team. because throughout these weeks she has realized just how important saber is to her, and that means he doesn't want to leave him on his own. ]
I've already... um... seen some of it anyways. Your memories, I mean. Back when we were in Snowfield.
[ might as well confess to that, since they've already gone ahead and gotten away with murder. ]
[ A small noise escapes the back of his throat in reply. Isn't it funny, how all this time he was selfishly letting himself carry her responsibilites, regardless of whether she wanted it or not, and now the roles were swapped? Perhaps it's just the natural byproduct of her becoming more assured in her role as a Master, he thinks. Or his selfishness is just rubbing off on her. Heaven knows that he's got plenty of it to spare.
Still, her resolve is something that he is more than happy to support until the bitter end, even if he knows that there's no saving him in the long run. But for Ayaka, on the other hand... ]
I won't stand in your way, Ayaka. Take whatever you can.
[ ... he might argue about her laying claim to nearly killing everyone in the library, though. ]
[ no, the library is his mess to keep. though had anyone been gravely injured from it, then maybe the story would have been different.
with that agreed upon, however... ]
Uh... well, yes, but...
[ now that she thinks about it, it's a little strange. that was the only memory that she saw of richard's that didn't involve that odd man's intervention. so was he purposefully trying to connect her to those times? she's not sure. ]
Listen, the only reason I didn't tell you at first was because I didn't think it was real. I mean, think about it from my perspective— it's a lot to take in when a guy comes in driving a car in old Europe. But um, I think that guy called Saint Germain or whatever has also been showing me parts of your past. Talking to me through you. Like when you met him and when...
[ she saw red and white mixed together in the most macabre painting. she draws in a shuddering breath as the sight of siobhan's corpse and all of those come together in her mind. ]
When I saw all those people that were killed. During one of your wars, I guess.
[ Realization seems to dawn on him as it sort of all clicks together. That would explain why he would randomly start doing strange rituals like that, wouldn't it? Which sort of begs the question of how he knew that in the first place, but after a certain point he's kind of accepted that he barely knew what Saint Germain was really up to.
When she mentions the massacre, though, his hands pull back from hers. He was afraid of this happening, even if might've just been an inevitability. ]
You actually saw it?
[ He knows Saint Germain had something about looking away and covering ears. They'd finally made their pact official by that point, so maybe it's not surprising, but... ]
[ she shrinks back when saber pulls his hand from her, her hands held together against her chest so tightly that she can feel her nails pressing into her skin. her heart pounds with fear; she shouldn't have said this. she should have kept her mouth shut and kept it to herself, just like how it seems that she'll be keeping these murders for the rest of her life.
ashamed of her mistake, she hangs her head, staring at a blank space on the couch between them. ]
I didn't want to turn a blind eye to who you are. If I only knew one side of you and ignored the rest then... then what kind of Master... no, what kind of person would I be? [ though that gets her to laugh bitterly. she's no good as either, it seems. ] So I saw it. And it really was one of the worst things I've ever seen but...
[ but... ]
It hasn't stopped me. From wanting to be your Master. Or from wanting to make your wish come true. Because you're more than just that to me. You're a headstrong, stubborn, and fearless idiot, but you've been nothing but kind to me, caring for me this whole time, even when I was rude to you and pushed you away. You've saved my life so many times that I don't think I could ever repay you for it. And your wish is... it's beautiful, Saber. I can't imagine a more beautiful wish to see fulfilled by the Grail.
[ and that's why it hurts to know that she can't be the one to fulfill it. as she is now, it's fine, since she has no powers and no way to corrode saber's values, but imagining how different things could be is enough to turn her blood to ice. ]
[ For as proud as he is, the worry is clearly etched on Richard's face. It's not something he ever wanted her to see, to not have to worry about when there was already so much danger around them in Snowfield. She shouldn't have to see him in this light when he's already dragged her through so much suffering as it is.
... But that wouldn't be her, would it? Even when she wasn't his Master, she had no problems with him as he was, except when getting mad when he tried pulling stupid moves to protect her. She was worried about betraying him. That she would end up selling him out, when it wasn't even the smallest of worries for him?
But it's clear to him, as she speaks, that that's something she didn't even need to worry about. ]
Don't.
[ It's a quiet request for her not to leave, but he coughs to clear his throat. ]
I'm not a good person, Ayaka. But I'd hoped that you wouldn't have to see most of my sins, in some sort of selfish wish to shield you from the worst of it. Fate may have had other plans, but it does not mean that this is something that you need or deserve to have on your shoulders.
[ They're sharing so much of the consequences, he feels he needs at least this. All he can do is take and take, and this is just the logical next step, right? ]
But if it will not stop you from being my Master, then I have no choice but to take that resolve, too. After all, I would never have finally found my wish for the Grail without you. This does not happen without you here.
[ He reaches out and takes her chin between his thumb and forefinger, tilting her head up so he can meet her gaze again. ]
[ with her head still hanging low, her eyes open wide when she hears saber ask her to stay. in the back of her head, she doubts it as anything other than an auditory hallucination, a desperate desire for some sort of comfort after everything in the past two days.
but as he keeps talking, about how he's not a good person and how he wanted to protect her from that part of himself, she realizes that these are saber's genuine emotions. with her heart pounding in her chest, she wants to refute that she couldn't have possibly done anything to help saber come up with such a beautifully selfless wish, when all she does is take from and bring ruin to others-- but nothing comes out.
and then he's tilting her head up so delicately that she doesn't resist it. looking up, her blue eyes meet saber's red, and she hears his genuine request once more. ]
[ it's a beautiful scene, she realizes. like straight out of a movie, with a girl and her prince. selfishly, she can't help but feel a small joy over this, along with relief that saber would ask her to stay--but that is quickly suffocated by the truth she has been avoiding this whole time.
she glances down, and then back up at richard. ]
I have one more thing that I need to tell you. It's... it's about myself...about what I remembered about myself in Snowfield, right before coming here.
[ once again, she's afraid. afraid of whether it will change his perception of her and how. now that she's unable to look away from him, however, she feels like she has no choice but to face the truth. ]
[ Richard blinks, having forgotten that she had just remembered right before they woke up here. She had said something about her lying to him at the start of all this, hadn't she? Is that what this is about? ]
What did you remember?
[ He knows it's not going to matter either way, but he can see the worry on her face. ]
[ perhaps? a funhouse reflection of herself, magnified and distorted by all the changes that were forced onto her. ]
I just had so much guilt over being given this body... I had...have so much blood on my hands because of what I am that I guess it wasn't hard for that woman to use magecraft or whatever on me to make me think she was a curse that would chase me all the way into the Holy Grail War.
[ and yet the girl had never actually meant her harm, did she? she smiled at her, wished her good luck... maybe, despite it all, she was only meant to serve as a guide, rather than a fearsome ghost. ]
I... don't know. I've been struggling to figure that out.
[ the humanoid creature torn apart by humans. the little red riding hood of the semina apartments. the mysterious 'person A' who was haunted by the same girl. all of them molded into the same person, a false reflection of ayaka sajyou. ]
While we were in Snowfield, did you ever feel anything off about me? Like you were being influenced or...or something?
[ there's a flash of emotion across ayaka's face. surprise, followed by relief, and ultimately confusion. ]
I guess the thing is that... when I'm around people they... I don't know how to describe it. [ she shakes her head. ] I guess the best way to put it is that they go crazy. I'm...not that different from Ish...or from what I've heard about the Holy Grail. I grant wishes but, they never bring anyone happiness. It just drives them insane until eventually they destroy themselves.
[ what would she call it? greed? ayaka can't help but see herself as a sort of bad omen, a creature that amplifies people's greed until they self-destruct. so what does it mean, if saber's never felt himself affected by it? or is her innate trait just that imperceptible? ]
So I thought that, if I were around... I would end up ruining your wish. I'm scared of that, you know. I know you said that you're not a good person but for that reason, I don't want to dirty something so beautiful!
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no subject
I was wondering if that was you. [ As far as he knew she hadn't used hers up until that point, but he can't be informed about everything at this point. He suddenly realizes how much he's been missing Loxley and the others these last 36 hours. ]
It was a good strategy, panic or not – at the very least, it served as a valuable way to waste the valuable time that was left.
[ And with Andrew's accusation... somehow things seemed to fall in place after that. ]
There's nothing to apologize for. You did good, Ayaka. [ As much as he wishes she didn't have to. ]
no subject
she leans her head against the backrest of the sofa, staring up at the ceiling and closing her eyes. upon immediately seeing the same fast forwarded scene that's been practically burned into the backs of her eyelids, she opens them, and turns towards saber. ]
...
[ siobhan called him an attack dog. chara called him a weapon. ayaka doesn't want to see him as either, but considering that saber has never refuted either statement, she wonders just how he feels about it. she called herself his master, but... is she actually fit to do this? ]
Saber... [ she's not naive. but her desire to escape from those agonizing moments is blocking her memory. she has seen his memories and she knows what he was capable of. if saber had come before everyone else had woken up, then... ] Was I the one that killed Siobhan?
[ regardless of the answer, the result remains the same. siobhan is dead, and she's responsible for it, one way or another. whether it's by landing the killing blow or by forcing saber to be in the position of having to take her out of her misery. ]
no subject
When she finally asks him, he stops what he's doing, and looks back at her. It doesn't take a single amount of deliberation for a definitive answer: ]
No.
[ It's short, and confident enough to try and ensure that there's no room for doubt. ] The strike in the chest was not your doing.
1/2
[ ayaka freezes at the answer. even though she had logically expected it, it doesn't make the reality of it any easier. with the confirmation, the memories that were dammed are free to flow. she remembers seeing richard arrive, lightning crackling at his feet, picking up the knife and bringing it down into siobhan's chest in a fluid motion.
suddenly, it feels hard to breathe again, as the memory washes over her again like poison. in the darkness, it had been difficult to see siobhan's corpse and, in the trial, ayaka had made an effort to ignore siobhan's corpse, because she's not sure she would have been able to keep it together if she had gotten close to it. ]
2/2
instead of the usual scene that's been playing on loop of siobhan dying, this time, she hears the words of that strange man that followed richard around-- the words she heard before she saw the field of beheaded corpses, painting the ground a deep, deep red.
'When it's all said and done, I ask you to please accept him as he is. It means nothing if I, someone who lived his time, do it. It must be you, someone who lived a different time.'
without thinking, ayaka leans forward, to grab his hand with both of hers. as if he would disappear into thin air if she let him go. ]
Saber.
[ her voice trembles. he has covered his hands in blood for her sake, even though she's so undeserving of it. ]
I'm sorry. [ she's undeserving of this. in her heart, she knows that she should have been tried tonight. but here she is now, with her and saber both safe for now. ] And thank you.
no subject
So when she takes his hand, he tenses slightly, surprise clearly painted on his face. ]
Ayaka...?
[ He's not sure what to say, exactly. It was so much easier to try and play a lot of it off like he was just being needlessly agggressive, and trying his best to distract from the point, but this...
Even if it wasn't the outcome he was planning for or expecting, it still resulted in her safety. And wasn't that what really mattered to him, deep down? With the amount of blood that's on Richard the Lionheart's hands, adding two people to that count doesn't even register as a drop in the bucket to him. For her, he'd bear the responsibility for it all over again. As many times as this place traps them in the loop, he'd do it again and again.
After all, if Ish won't honor the wish to protect her here, then he still has work to do, right? ]
There's nothing to apologize for. [ a broken record, but it bears repeating. ] I wasn't about to let her have the last laugh.
[ If anything, Siobhan Roy should be glad she only went out with a knife to the chest. ]
no subject
[ despite the initial terror of finding herself awake while saber wasn't, a small part of her hadn't given up hope that somehow, he would help her. and help her she did...at the cost of two lives. that will weigh on her shoulders forever, along with the kind college student that had given ayaka their body, the mage couple that ripped each other apart, and god knows how many others.
hwylryn had asked her if she valued one life above another when asked about andrew and siffrin. in that moment, she had said that she couldn't. but with saber next to him, responsible for a crime that he committed to save her life, she can't help but feel that her answer would have changed if the person in question had been him. ]
I'm mad that you set the library on fire and put everyone else in danger. That was so stupid of you that I can't even begin to describe it.
[ she huffs out a sigh through her nose, looking down at their hands. ]
But I'm going to help you carry the weight of Siffrin and Siobhan's deaths. I don't care if you tell me that it's nothing for you. I'm... not taking no for an answer, so don't even try.
[ the same way that saber didn't give up on her earlier, she won't let him carry everything on his own. ]
no subject
That... was not my intention. The door was blocked by her barricades, and I was trying to circumvent them and... while the lightning proved to be helpful, it seemed to have gotten a little out of hand. [ the power of the tunnel vision is real. ] I won't make any excuses for it, though – that was my fault.
[ Not to mention that wasting time trying to put it out would've meant that he would show up too late. As much as killing everyone from smoke inhalation was ideal...
He stills, looking down and away as she keeps going, feeling himself get more sheepish. ]
You don't... have to.
[ Yes, she just said she wouldn't take a no, but he can't help himself. It doesn't seem to have as much behind it as it normally would, if it helps. ]
no subject
she just didn't think it would be herself that would be doing it. ]
Even if you say that I don't have to— [ and she feels like she does. this is as much her doing as his, even if he was the one to deal the finishing blow ] —I still want to.
[ because they're a team. because throughout these weeks she has realized just how important saber is to her, and that means he doesn't want to leave him on his own. ]
I've already... um... seen some of it anyways. Your memories, I mean. Back when we were in Snowfield.
[ might as well confess to that, since they've already gone ahead and gotten away with murder. ]
1/2
Still, her resolve is something that he is more than happy to support until the bitter end, even if he knows that there's no saving him in the long run. But for Ayaka, on the other hand... ]
I won't stand in your way, Ayaka. Take whatever you can.
[ ... he might argue about her laying claim to nearly killing everyone in the library, though. ]
no subject
... You mentioned it in the church, didn't you? You saw ones with my mother.
[ He can already feel the urge to lay down on the floor creeping up his spine. ]
no subject
with that agreed upon, however... ]
Uh... well, yes, but...
[ now that she thinks about it, it's a little strange. that was the only memory that she saw of richard's that didn't involve that odd man's intervention. so was he purposefully trying to connect her to those times? she's not sure. ]
Listen, the only reason I didn't tell you at first was because I didn't think it was real. I mean, think about it from my perspective— it's a lot to take in when a guy comes in driving a car in old Europe. But um, I think that guy called Saint Germain or whatever has also been showing me parts of your past. Talking to me through you. Like when you met him and when...
[ she saw red and white mixed together in the most macabre painting. she draws in a shuddering breath as the sight of siobhan's corpse and all of those come together in her mind. ]
When I saw all those people that were killed. During one of your wars, I guess.
no subject
When she mentions the massacre, though, his hands pull back from hers. He was afraid of this happening, even if might've just been an inevitability. ]
You actually saw it?
[ He knows Saint Germain had something about looking away and covering ears. They'd finally made their pact official by that point, so maybe it's not surprising, but... ]
no subject
[ she shrinks back when saber pulls his hand from her, her hands held together against her chest so tightly that she can feel her nails pressing into her skin. her heart pounds with fear; she shouldn't have said this. she should have kept her mouth shut and kept it to herself, just like how it seems that she'll be keeping these murders for the rest of her life.
ashamed of her mistake, she hangs her head, staring at a blank space on the couch between them. ]
I didn't want to turn a blind eye to who you are. If I only knew one side of you and ignored the rest then... then what kind of Master... no, what kind of person would I be? [ though that gets her to laugh bitterly. she's no good as either, it seems. ] So I saw it. And it really was one of the worst things I've ever seen but...
[ but... ]
It hasn't stopped me. From wanting to be your Master. Or from wanting to make your wish come true. Because you're more than just that to me. You're a headstrong, stubborn, and fearless idiot, but you've been nothing but kind to me, caring for me this whole time, even when I was rude to you and pushed you away. You've saved my life so many times that I don't think I could ever repay you for it. And your wish is... it's beautiful, Saber. I can't imagine a more beautiful wish to see fulfilled by the Grail.
[ and that's why it hurts to know that she can't be the one to fulfill it. as she is now, it's fine, since she has no powers and no way to corrode saber's values, but imagining how different things could be is enough to turn her blood to ice. ]
I'm sorry. If you'd like me to leave, I will.
no subject
... But that wouldn't be her, would it? Even when she wasn't his Master, she had no problems with him as he was, except when getting mad when he tried pulling stupid moves to protect her. She was worried about betraying him. That she would end up selling him out, when it wasn't even the smallest of worries for him?
But it's clear to him, as she speaks, that that's something she didn't even need to worry about. ]
Don't.
[ It's a quiet request for her not to leave, but he coughs to clear his throat. ]
I'm not a good person, Ayaka. But I'd hoped that you wouldn't have to see most of my sins, in some sort of selfish wish to shield you from the worst of it. Fate may have had other plans, but it does not mean that this is something that you need or deserve to have on your shoulders.
[ They're sharing so much of the consequences, he feels he needs at least this. All he can do is take and take, and this is just the logical next step, right? ]
But if it will not stop you from being my Master, then I have no choice but to take that resolve, too. After all, I would never have finally found my wish for the Grail without you. This does not happen without you here.
[ He reaches out and takes her chin between his thumb and forefinger, tilting her head up so he can meet her gaze again. ]
So, please. Stay.
1/2
but as he keeps talking, about how he's not a good person and how he wanted to protect her from that part of himself, she realizes that these are saber's genuine emotions. with her heart pounding in her chest, she wants to refute that she couldn't have possibly done anything to help saber come up with such a beautifully selfless wish, when all she does is take from and bring ruin to others-- but nothing comes out.
and then he's tilting her head up so delicately that she doesn't resist it. looking up, her blue eyes meet saber's red, and she hears his genuine request once more. ]
2/2
[ it's a beautiful scene, she realizes. like straight out of a movie, with a girl and her prince. selfishly, she can't help but feel a small joy over this, along with relief that saber would ask her to stay--but that is quickly suffocated by the truth she has been avoiding this whole time.
she glances down, and then back up at richard. ]
I have one more thing that I need to tell you. It's... it's about myself...about what I remembered about myself in Snowfield, right before coming here.
[ once again, she's afraid. afraid of whether it will change his perception of her and how. now that she's unable to look away from him, however, she feels like she has no choice but to face the truth. ]
no subject
What did you remember?
[ He knows it's not going to matter either way, but he can see the worry on her face. ]
no subject
[ suddenly, she feels like it’s hard to breathe. it takes a couple attempts for the words to come out, shaky and pained. ]
I’m not Ayaka Sajyou. Not the real one, at least. I’m not even human. I’m… the Red Riding Hood. The one I’ve been seeing this whole time.
no subject
So, what is it that you've been seeing this whole time? Simply a reflection of yourself?
no subject
[ perhaps? a funhouse reflection of herself, magnified and distorted by all the changes that were forced onto her. ]
I just had so much guilt over being given this body... I had...have so much blood on my hands because of what I am that I guess it wasn't hard for that woman to use magecraft or whatever on me to make me think she was a curse that would chase me all the way into the Holy Grail War.
[ and yet the girl had never actually meant her harm, did she? she smiled at her, wished her good luck... maybe, despite it all, she was only meant to serve as a guide, rather than a fearsome ghost. ]
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[ He seems to think for a second. ]
Do you feel any different, now that you've remembered?
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[ the humanoid creature torn apart by humans. the little red riding hood of the semina apartments. the mysterious 'person A' who was haunted by the same girl. all of them molded into the same person, a false reflection of ayaka sajyou. ]
While we were in Snowfield, did you ever feel anything off about me? Like you were being influenced or...or something?
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Not at all. The most that I noticed was the vast amount of magical energy you were able to give me, but... not much otherwise.
[ And even then, he had been reticent to take more than he needed to try and take as less energy has he could from her as possible, so... ]
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[ there's a flash of emotion across ayaka's face. surprise, followed by relief, and ultimately confusion. ]
I guess the thing is that... when I'm around people they... I don't know how to describe it. [ she shakes her head. ] I guess the best way to put it is that they go crazy. I'm...not that different from Ish...or from what I've heard about the Holy Grail. I grant wishes but, they never bring anyone happiness. It just drives them insane until eventually they destroy themselves.
[ what would she call it? greed? ayaka can't help but see herself as a sort of bad omen, a creature that amplifies people's greed until they self-destruct. so what does it mean, if saber's never felt himself affected by it? or is her innate trait just that imperceptible? ]
So I thought that, if I were around... I would end up ruining your wish. I'm scared of that, you know. I know you said that you're not a good person but for that reason, I don't want to dirty something so beautiful!
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